Posted by crushedout on December 30, 2003, at 19:27:06
In reply to Re: a little background and follow-up » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 30, 2003, at 19:14:37
of course i want to know about her sexual feelings toward me, if she has any. but she only suggested we talk about it. she didn't offer to do all the talking. and i'm scared to go there. i guess it's embarrassing, and geez, i'm really not sure why. i think the biggest reason is i'm scared to find out that she doesn't feel anything for me. i'm scared of rejection. or maybe finding out she feels something for me but we can never act on it and that's that. that might destroy me, too. even though of course i have to face that reality at some point, unless she's planning to actually sleep with me, which we all know would be disastrous for me, as much as i want it.i'm also not sure why the cd made me cry. i think i was touched. i felt like she exposed a part of herself to me. i wanted to see more. i wanted to just spend days with her listening to and talking about music, and other things, and getting to know each other. i wanted to fall in love with her. i guess. i don't know. i felt lonely. i felt even more convinced of my love for her. and the tragedy that i can never have what i want. maybe. i can't really be sure. i'm crying now.
yes, and because it was sweet. because i felt lucky. so many things.
i think you make excellent points, karen kay. i think i will (not in those words) ask her just such things tomorrow. what is she trying to do to me? how does she expect me not to "draw conclusions"? what conclusions is she talking about? how DOES she feel about me? aren't we getting close to that boundary she said it was her job to police? doesn't that concern her?
maybe i need to take a break from her, i really don't know. i'm crushed. just like my handle says.
poster:crushedout
thread:294830
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/294853.html