Posted by Kalamatianos on December 14, 2003, at 0:15:26
In reply to does it ever go away?, posted by st@cy on December 13, 2003, at 15:42:14
Can you keep a secret? I can tell you without reservation or qualification or misrepresentation, that, eventually, it does go away.
Why I must whisper about it is that I'm not supposed to get well. However, I did get well. You see, I didn't use therapist's and medications, so you can't find my case study in the pages of the DSMIV. Like Paul Anka sang, "I did it my way!" Its common to here that if I didn't get well by therapist or medication, then how do I know I'm really well?
My life was an ugly mess. No crime, just pain and suffering and failure after failure. I kept vacillating from, "Why me God", to "Thank you, God", and back to, "Gee, thanx alot, God". Terror for me today is to see my two sons (in their 20's) both being tortured and terrorized by similar mistakes and its like I'm on the other side of a mirror watching it all go on, and I can't do anything except help pick up the pieces when their lives crash to earth.
25 years ago I went on a journey of discovery, determined to someday find myself, since I always felt so lost, and wracked with self-loathing. 12 years ago, while writing my first book, "Recovery or Oblivion", about successful 12 step recovery from codependency, I noticed that I had been looking for a "new me" and instead had stumble onto the "old me", but something was different. I was the same guy as when I started out but I simply wasn't doing those things anymore that were sabotaging me in every way. Biggest of all are, I seek beautiful outcomes, and I no longer grumble.
From that point I could no longer stick to the narrow subject I had started with. My last chapter that I finished in that book was "360 Degrees from Dysfunction", talking about how I felt I had gone in a complete circle, finding myself back at the beginning, and liking what I found.
I don't wish my torturous path on anyone, but I do say, take the time to find a cure. Curiosity was my best ally. There are cures out there where you might least expect them. I didn't change who I was, but I did change what I did. I also noticed why I did it, and stopped listening to who was telling me how. I'm living proof today.
poster:Kalamatianos
thread:289430
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/289540.html