Posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 15:22:19
In reply to Re: You Definitely Deserve the Best (Susan J), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 10, 2003, at 14:37:27
Miss Honeychurch,
My response is probably pointless because I'm not expressing myself very well today. But read if you'd like. :-)
>>Does Joseph Stalin deserve the same respect as Martin Luther King?
<<No, and I get your point. But what if Stalin's parents had been able to raise him well, nurture him, and show him what it's like to be charitable? Healthy people help create healthy kids who turn into healthy adults...I can't help but think that he wasn't respected as a child. I know it sounds simplistic. I'm not writing that very well. If he'd gotten respect, compassion, and was treated with dignity as a child/adult, I don't think he'd be the Stalin of the history books.And I also believe that if you choose the behavior you must accept the consequences. Loss of respect being one. Though I think that prisoners are deserving of basic levels of respect. I have worked in prisons, and I think even the most evil human beings deserve minimal levels of respect, such as safe housing and appropriate medical care. But that's minimal.
>> And do I, someone born into a wealthy family who never wanted for anything and who took summer trips to Europe deserve equal compassion for my plight now as say a homeless person who has never had access to resources which could pull him out of poverty or give him access to proper mental health care?
<<I thought the same way as you did. I'm economically middle class. I can still put a roof over my head, and I've got health insurance. In so many ways, I've got it easier than a homeless person or a poorer person.I was never beaten, never molested, never had an alcoholic or drug dependent parent. Nothing *bad* had ever happened to me, why do I hurt soooooooo much?
But what I have come to realize is even though my family looks healthy from the outside, it is sooooooo emotionally impoverished, it's just heartbreaking. My family, emotionally, is just the trash of the trash. And that gave me no skills for coping, no skills for getting ahead (emotionally) in life, no skills for treating others well, and worse, it gave me very dysfunctional, harmful behavioral habits. And then load depression on top of that and I'm a mess! I think I deserve some help. :-) What do you think? And if you think I deserve compassion, why don't you deserve it too?
Also, the healthier we get, the more productive we can be. And I firmly believe in giving back to a society from which we've benefited. I benefit from this society by having access to mental health care. I have always given back, whether with time, or money when I've got it.
>>My response is to scoff at the "problems" of the middle class chick (me). My compassion would lay (lie?)with the homeless person.
<<Why does it have to be either/or? Can't you value yourself and your need for therapy *and* have great compassion for a homeless person? Denying yourself value does not help the homeless guy. There is no causal effect there.
> My therapist keeps telling me we are all equal. I wish I could believe that.
<<We are. Equal does not mean identical.>I don't believe I am equal to say, Mother Theresa who lived a life of self-sacrifice to help others. I wouldn't even DREAM of living that life.
<<Maybe you wouldn't dream of living that life, or making those sacrifices. But you are *equal* to her in that you are a human being worthy of respect and compassion. Admiration might be a better word for what we feel for people like her.But it doesn't mean you don't have something of value to give the world. Very few can give to this world in the magnitude that Mother Teresa did. What about someone in your own life, whom you admire? Are they really more or less valuable than you?
I admire my brother for getting through a very painful separation and still focusing on what's best for his kid, including being nice to his soon-to-be-ex who's an evil shrew right now. He's not significantly better or worse than me. Just different. I admire and try to emulate his good qualities just as I try to minimize my own bad qualities. I learn from him as I learn from you, and everyone else who posts on this board.
Arrrrgh! Short version: You're worth it. :-) Who gets to judge which human is more valuable than another?S.
poster:Susan J
thread:288418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/288489.html