Posted by tabitha on December 3, 2003, at 20:48:16
I'm discouraged. So many times the group sessions leave me agitated and I lose a couple days to it, then sometimes my individual session just adds more. I feel drained. My buttons are getting pushed, which I guess is good, gives me chance to look at my issues-- but meanwhile my life goes nowhere because I'm constantly upset. I really don't feel I need extra sources of button-pushing, I get plenty from just my minimal social contacts and my memories.
It's supposed to be part support, part processing, but when I've shared in the group I don't get responses that feel good, so I've backed off. The group members just aren't as skilled as the therapist (of course) and I end up disappointed. I still get better support here than in the group.
I particularly was hoping to get some healing around my feelings toward men. I wanted to see the men as human, and experience feeling listened to and emotionally supported by men. Instead I'm listening to them complain endlessly about the women in their lives and biting my tongue to avoid defending the women. I'm forcing myself to try to empathise and be supportive and not think it's men vs women, but my inner experience is awful. It's just re-enforcing my painful history rather than healing it. My therapist has told me that these men need to be angry at women right now, because they're the type who haven't let themselves get angry before. That's fine.. but I really can't stand listening to it. Feels like I've been listening to men malign women all my life. She also told me I hate men and I've unfairly generalized about them, so I'm trying extra hard not to complain about men in the group. It's like a perfectly designed hell for me.
poster:tabitha
thread:286357
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/286357.html