Posted by tabitha on December 2, 2003, at 23:50:41
My ex-boyfriend called saying he misses me, wants me in his life, or at least wants to talk. I can't imagine talking to him without discussing it with my therapist first, and my session isn't til Thursday.
I tried talking about it in my group session tonight but it wasn't very satisfying. I talked about some other phonecalls before this one. We only had a few minutes left, and people were trying to speculate about his feelings and motives, which annoyed me. My therapist had the only useful insight-- that I've been so annoyed by his phone calls because it's triggering my own self-criticism that says it's not OK to still be angry with him. And of course it's not OK that I ended the relationship against his will.
If I tell him I'm still angry, I expect he'll tell me I'm 'holding a resentment' which is a major no-no according to his AA beliefs. If you'll notice, that nicely echoes my own self-criticism. So.. an honest exchange seems impossible-- I think I'll just spend my energy defending my right to my feelings.
I just really can't imagine talking to him at all without getting prepped by my therapist first. Yet I'd be embarrassed to admit this to him. I can avoid his phonecalls but I'm afraid he'll show up at my door. Aargh.
Maybe I'll email and just tell him I'm not ready to talk to him right now.
poster:tabitha
thread:286104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/286104.html