Posted by Nerine on November 23, 2003, at 17:47:22
Hi Everyone,
I've been looking around these pages for a while and they seem pretty good. I'd really like some advice and this seems the place to come. Sorry this post will be so long!
My teenage daughter was diagnosed with severe depression about a year ago and was registered at a young person's unit. The unit seems good, though underfunded, and several p-docs have come and gone, all trying different drugs on her and saying not entirely consistent things. She's had a good support worker throughout, though, and the impression I get is that most of the staff are caring and committed. She's not got better or responded effectively to any drug yet, but she's not reached the end of the road, and currently valproate seems to be making a tiny difference.
During this period, to my surprise I was also diagnosed with depression by my GP. I say "to my surprise" because I was never taken seriously with mental problems by doctors when I was younger (feeling MUCH worse than I do now) and so I'd long since given up either thinking I had depression, or that any doctor would ever believe me if I did. And yet here I was at the age of 40, being diagnosed without even asking for help... (I went along to see her after persistent insomnia). She pressed me to take Prozac, and she was dead right - it's gone a long way towards helping me.
The big worry for me is that my GP also referred me to a CBT therapist, and then my daughter's support team asked me if I'd like some support therapy from them too. I was happy to try it, but it was hell, in both cases. I don't really know what's going on and to what extent the problem is mine, but that old "Cassandra" syndrome raised its head again - as I soon as I told either therapist about the stuff I really worried about (the fact that I don't just get low, I get very high as well), they diminished it and got unbelieving. I felt invaded, because they'd dragged the information out of me, then dismissed it. It seems everyone likes me when I'm telling them I feel fine, and no-one wants to know about the bad stuff - not even therapists!
I pulled out of both therapy relationships straight after - I had no idea how much their reaction was going to hurt. Worse still, my daughter started coming home saying they didn't seem to take her seriously any more - this was after her therapist had spoken to me. I'm terrified this "Cassandra" nightmare from my past has been passed on to her and they think she's histrionic or something. Before I spoke to them, they were going along a possible bipolar diagnosis for her - afterwards they started saying to her "it may not be an illness you have" and "are you sure you need drugs"?
I'm terrified that something I said has done real damage to her set-up. The thing is, she's got lots of determination which hides the worst of her feelings from others, but she is in a really bad way. I'm beginning to think she'll do something really serious to herself, because she's being backed into a corner to "prove" that she's as depressed as she says she is. They don't see her at home when she's shaking and out of control,and saying over and over again "I'd commit suicide but I don't want to hurt you and Grandma and Grandpa". I spend loads of time with her, having cut back at work as much as I possibly can, and I think suicide is a real possibility - not right now, but sometime in the future. In fact I think a suicide attempt is more likely than not. I don't feel I can go to the docs and tell them that, because my tiny intervention so far seems to have done harm, not good.
Sorry if this is a bit incoherent and raises as many questions as it answers - I'm not thinking very straight at the moment. If anyone has any advice, I'd really love the help - thanks!
poster:Nerine
thread:282952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/282952.html