Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 20:01:33
In reply to Re: Worried about today's session » Dinah, posted by mair on November 14, 2003, at 14:44:27
No, I agree that last session was not his finest hour. But he redeemed himself today beautifully. In fact he was so wonderful that I feel like I want to give something back to him, and have been wracking my brains for something I've refused to try to do, or something I've refused to share.
I don't feel as warm and fuzzy as I do after my favorite sessions. But I do feel like we accomplished a lot, and I'm still in one piece.
First of all he finally agreed to stop using the euphemism "frustrated" when really he means he's angry. :)
When I brought it up, he expressed the same concern that I had. That it seems unproductive to challenge me if I then am too upset to take in and remember what he's challenged me about. But I persevered and asked that even if it's difficult and annoying for him, could he please continue to try because I sometimes thought we were got too comfortable and didn't really work on issues enough.
Then I asked if he could continue challenging me without getting angry if I fell apart sometimes. He answered that he wished he could promise that, but he couldn't. He did agree (and said he already tries) to remember that I'm doing my best. And I asked him to try to make sure I'm patched together before sending me into the world.
So we worked on the matter today. He asked me if it was ok to challenge me over the "Everything's going to be ok" issue. He wants me to take more responsibility for my part of making everything ok. I want him to continue saying it with conviction and without reservations like "Everything's ok with me, is it ok with you". So he wanted to know what it meant for me to hear him say it. And we worked out a compromise. He would say it, but I would add something before or after to show that I recognized my responsibility. It was a tough negotiation, and it was tough to explain why it was so important to me.
I lost my words many times during the process. My cognitive functioning declined enough that I was getting frustrated trying to understand what he was saying. All the conditions were in place for this session to go as badly as last. But this time, he helped calm me as I was getting frustrated. He not only gave me time to find words but he helped by asking questions. And he put things several ways if I was having trouble understanding.
So it all worked out very well. I was still overstimulated when I left, but I had avoided meltdown. I seriously doubt it will go this well every time he chooses to challenge me. But it does give me a good model of being challenged and being able to survive it.
I still want some of the sessions to be warm and fuzzy and safe feeling though. I hope we can balance it.
poster:Dinah
thread:279699
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/279873.html