Posted by catachrest on November 10, 2003, at 14:07:00
In reply to Re: feelings/thoughts about getting well????, posted by Emme on November 5, 2003, at 14:12:46
I've been starting to feel better lately - I'm thinking maybe we've found the right dose of Effexor, or maybe the depression is just starting to lift a little. When I was in my darkest moments, though, I was almost afraid of feeling better - feeling better would take away my excuse for hiding away and getting nothing done because I would no longer have my illness to hide behind. Being not depressed means having to take responsibility. But now that I am feeling a little better (just a little; I'm not jumping up and down yet), I'm also starting to recognize that fear as part of the depression, the 'crap coloured glasses' my counsellor talks about. I'm starting to understand that in many cases responsibility is power. I also have to learn to stop fearing getting worse again - every time I start feeling better I get terrified that it won't last and that I'll just slide right back down again to where I was, and I don't think I could handle it. But of course, thinking about that only makes it happen faster.
I have a long way to go but I've had a taste of getting better and I won't give it up without a fight.
Keep up the fight,
Susan
poster:catachrest
thread:276663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031030/msgs/278248.html