Posted by Adia on October 9, 2003, at 14:42:58
In reply to Re: Uncle! » jay, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2003, at 14:14:41
Thanks for sharing Dinah..
That's very sad.. I agree that transference may scare some therapists that lack the training to deal with it, I think like you that if a therapist leaves a patient because of the way a patient feels and because the patient shares or discloses those feelings, it just shows that the therapist lacks the experience or training and doesn't realize how much damage they can be doing to the patient by discouraging them to keep their feelings hidden for fear of being abandoned. I guess the best thing is to know this before entering therapy..i would definitely stay away from those therapists who are afraid of a patient's feelings...
Jay mentions how transference could be damaging for abuse survivors...
I understand that some therapists cross boundaries and may hurt a patient...
But I don't think that "keeping transference low" is the best for abuse survivors...On the contrary...
I have been feeling this in my heart since I read that post and I just wanted to share..that being an abuse survivor..if my therapist were to leave me because of my feelings for her, or because I express my feelings that would be doing me so much harm, because it would be enforcing the belief that my feelings are wrong and that there is something wrong in how I feel that causes others to leave me or hurt me. All my life I've been told my feelings are not okay and I shouldn't show any emotion because I would be punished in the worst way for feeling, and I would expect that therapy should help me to challenge that belief and to start believing that my feelings are OK no matter what and that I can express how I feel without the fear of being abandoned/punished.I feel sad that that's Jay's view in treating abuse survivors..I feel that those people like me would be losing so much again ...if they go to therapy hoping to feel supported and to feel safe and accepted for the first time in their lives, and then be abandoned because they express their feelings to their therapists. I am sorry, but I think that could be of help to an abuse survivor who is desperately needing to feel accepted (completely- including feelings) and supported and to feel like a whole person deserving of care and acceptance.
(there are some therapists who abuse their patients yet again, and cross boundaries and that is very very wrong and abusive)Just wanted to say that..
Fortunately, there are lots of therapists out there who welcome transference as an opportunity to help the patient grow and to enrich therapy.
I have asked my therapist about this in the past, and she has never said that she would leave me because of anything I could feel. That I could tell her whatever I felt for her, no matter what. I have tried really hard to convince myself it is ok to share feelings...and that there's no shame in them. She has reassured me all the time that it is perfectly okay to feel and tell her what i feel for her, and that it is all part of the process.
I can see how erotic transference may be hard to handle for those therapists without experience or training. But still, I can't think how keeping those feelings hidden could be of help...
All this just makes me aware that there are lots of therapists who get scared of a patient's feelings (and lack the training to know what to do or how to react) and they may do more harm than good.I wouldn't want patients to feel they don't have to talk about their feelings for their therapists..
and that crossing the line and putting those feelings into words is the 'sin' of therapy (as Jay has said in another post).
If a therapist can't handle those feelings it doesn't mean it is wrong or was wrong for the patient to put them into words..For me it means that the therapist is not trained or experienced.
It saddens me that it seems some therapists think this way :o(Just my thoughts and feelings...
Adia.
> I said I would report accurately anything I discovered. I still think I and the others are right in theory. And I would still hope that the vast majority of therapists would not abandon their clients for the "offense" of expressing loving feelings.
>
> But there appear to be enough therapists who are afraid of the erotic transference, and will transfer out a client who expresses one, that expressing an erotic transference to your therapist is risky if you fear abandonment.
>
> My new advice would be:
>
> There is nothing at all shameful in any feelings you might have towards your therapist. It is relatively common, and a relatively natural outcome of the therapeutic situation. But if you are going to share your feelings with your therapist, be aware that you are running the risk of your therapist referring you on. Be very sure you are willing to take that risk before being that vulnerable with your therapist.
>
> So with that, I adjourn. Very much saddened.
>
> P.S. It is still not an ethical requirement that a therapist refer on such a patient, and referring on a patient still reflects a lack of ability on the therapist's part to handle it, not any fault of the patient.
poster:Adia
thread:266267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267362.html