Posted by Still Hurting on August 12, 2003, at 12:29:02
Guys, it's been a month since my therapist terminated me as her client. I knew it was going to happen when she'd eventually discover my affections towards her. And it did.
In my pain i went searching for information about transference over the website. I came across this site.
It has provided me with much comfort as I see that not only have I struggled with transference with my therapist, but so have many of you.
So my question is "why".
Why do we become so damn vulnerable to these people?
Why do we lose sleep over them?
Why do we try to find out where they live?
Why do we try to find out what car they drive?
How many children they have?
What places they attend?
It's like this crazy obsession that doesn't want to go away. (or do we really want it to go away?)
What happens to us in that little hour that causes their name to linger in our minds until we see them again the next week?
What goes on in our mind that says,"will you please love me"?
Why do we hate those vacation periods.
We get jealous over their family members and wish that we could be just one of them. Preferable the spouse.
We become like a crack addict to his drug.
We hate the obsession but it seems to serve an unknown purpose. And in fear, we try to hide it so that nobody else will know.
So we stay in fear of rejection, because we don't want our therapist to know how desperate we are of them.
We stay in embarassment because we don't want them to know how completely vulnerable we are to their beckon call.
We are enemies with that phone call that says,"Can i reschedule?
Why do we become so dependent on them?
Why do I go on dates and think I was with her instead?
Why in sexual activities, I wish i was having sex with her instead?
Why on my bad days, I call her just to hear her soft, gentle voice? Even if it is just her voice mail.
Why do I leave her messages on my answering machine for days, hoping that nobody hears me playing them over and over.
Why do my search engines have her name in them?
What did she give me that I became obsessed with her?
Why did I place her so damn important in my life, that now I have hell shaking her out?
I didn't go to therapy for this kind of obsession, so why did it happen? And aparently, it didn't only happen to me but to you guys as well.
What makes us so vulnerable to these professionals, that overnight we change from sensible people to stalkers, gossipers, tresspassers, law breakers, etc.
I've received a letter telling me that if i attempt to contact my ex-therapist again, I will be taken to court. Yet I still try to sneak a call in here or there, just to hear her damn calming, smoothing voice on her answering machine.
Was/Is my emotional pain that great?
Can I have my dignity back????
Can we get our dignity back???
What happened to us women??????????????
poster:Still Hurting
thread:250253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030711/msgs/250253.html