Posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59
I started with a new pdoc a few weeks back. I wasted my time--gave him my whole boring history. I really need to type it up so I don't have to keep repeating myself.
I just had my second appt yesterday. Another waste of time. All he does is listen. Every now and then he says something common sensical--and I think, "No duh!" (BTW-I know that sensical isn't a word.)
Why do they think that sitting there listening to my crap is helpful to me? Why do they think they are earning their pay?
At any rate, I was supposed to start medication 2 or 3 weeks ago, which I never did. I'm supposed to meet with the psychiatrist next Thursday, which I never will. And now, I'm quite sure that I need to terminate my relationship with the ineffective psychologist, too.
There is no hope. If they can't guarantee me that my life will ever be any better...why bother? I could do all kinds of things to change my life and still end up having a bad life...so it's not worth trying.
These people can't change my life...they can't add value...they can't make me want to live.
Why isn't quitting life like quitting a job? Why is it so taboo? Why do I have to live til I'm old just so that other people don't get hurt. What about my feelings?? I'm tired of living for other people and I have no interest in living for myself.
So now what do I do? I have no options. I'm a prisoner. If you want to die, you should just be able to die. I don't get it.
I'm sure you're thinking that medication might be helpful, but as I've mentioned before, I see no reason for it. My life is crappy and I should experience it as such. Sugar-coated crap is still crap. I'm not interested in altering my perception so that I can find my situation acceptable. It's not.
poster:magic potion
thread:227134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030407/msgs/227134.html