Posted by mair on May 13, 2003, at 15:33:42
I walked out of a therapy session today seriously wanting to hurt myself or at least wanting to stop going. Periodically we have these sessions where something raises my anxiety level and I go through this brain paralysis where I can't string two consecutive thoughts together so it's impossible for me to communicate in any meaningful way or to be able to answer questions cogently. And of course the longer this goes on the worse my anxiety gets. I start staring at the clock and really can't get out of there fast enough. My therapist can see this happening and she's pretty gentle about just trying to get me to explain what I'm experiencing, but really this whole dynamic just mortifies me. I feel this sense of both embarrassment and shame - embarrassment that this is happening and shame that I can't get a better handle on it. I think I also become afraid that at any point my therapist is going to tell me that there is nothing she can do for me, or I imagine that she's as frustrated as I am and pretty much sitting there trying to work out an exit strategy for herself.
I'd love to know how the rest of you deal with those feelings of mortification. I'd love to skip the next session but I know if I cancel out it'll only draw more attention to my behavior.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:226377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030407/msgs/226377.html