Posted by JasonR on April 7, 2003, at 23:29:27
If any of you know an engineer, then you probably have a good idea as to how my thinking works... Logical, methodical, orderly. Everything has a reason for being, and all problems have solutions. Some things that do not make logical sense then seem to conflict with my engineer mentality...
Ok, that is out of the way...
For many years, I have had minor depressive bouts that hit in the end of fall. I think it is SAD or whatever, but for some reason this year it was bad...
Depression seems illogical to me. Back in November, I was at a point where my family life was suffering, work was suffering, and my relationships with friends was suffering. Suicidal thoughts appeared for the first time since my teens (silly hormones!). I took a deep breath, talked things over with my wife.
This was a hard step for me. Depression is illogical. It is silly that I am unmotivated, withdrawn, irritable, and just a general pain in the a-- to be around. My engineer attitude keeps saying 'SNAP OUT OF IT! THIS IS SILLY!' But I can't seem to do it.
My wife and I decided that some professional help was a good step to take. So I reluctantly went to see my doctor (general practioner). I described what was happening. (minus the suicidal thoughts, for fear of hospitilization) He said that it was something that could be managed with some medication. Lexapro was on its way..
10mg... 2wks into the meds and no major mood change. Sideeffect of no orgasm still present. I am going to stick to it as he (my doc) said it might happen. Christmas comes, I see my family and it takes everything that I have to put on a smile through family functions, as I feel that depression is embarrasing. 4more weeks on lexapro, no major mood change.
We upped the dose to 20mg/day. Mood improves a little, I am still unmotivated, and my sleep requirement is over 15h/day and I am exhausted the other 9. Time to stop. 2wk taper off... 4 days on nothing.
This gets me to Saturday. Effexor 37.5mg starts up. I am at my parents house on a visit, and I have a heart to heart talk with mom (I'm 25btw). I explained the whole situation to her. She is supportive of the whole thing and acted as a good sounding board for me...
I am a week into the effexor... Tomorrow starts the 75mg a day. I understand that it will take a few weeks to see how things are going to work out for me.
(sorry for the long post... need to get some details out for hopefully some good responses ;-)
Tuesday I send a message to boss at work explaining my current difficulty with depression. (big step #2) This probably saved my job, as everyone at work has pointed out that my performance has been not nearly what it was previously. (none ever to my face however!) Being in a small company is nice in that we are working to focus my efforts on items that I enjoy and less of the monotonous aspects of software engineering...
Ok, there is the background. Now for the questions:Is my general doctor the right person to be seeing?
Whats the deal with a p-doc?? Is it the laying down on a couch stuff you see on TV? Does it help? How do I find someone that can understand this frustrating logical view that I have?
My readings are starting to show me that this may not be illogical. This only holds true for me if the meds fix a chemical inbalance. (problem w/ logical solution) However, if it is not a chemical thing, I am not sure how I will take it. Am I broken? Whats wrong with me? (these are questions I ask all the time)
How can I equip my wife to help me? She finally broke down a few nights ago crying b/c she can't make me happy and hates seeing me unhappy. This hurt me deeply.
Ok, enough babble. I will leave it at this point for now....
poster:JasonR
thread:217290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030407/msgs/217290.html