Posted by LibbyH on March 25, 2003, at 12:05:03
In reply to Re: Follow-up from LibbyH » LibbyH, posted by noa on March 20, 2003, at 16:17:44
I spent several days in a cabin in Tennessee and got some perspective on things. During that time, I figured out that between between that first hospital stay and the suicide attempt, I hadn't taken any actions to make it easier for me to cope with the things that made me want to die in the first place.
I had a final appointment with pdoc yesterday and we talked again. He agreed to keep working with me. He thinks all the med changes on top of all the stressors I'm facing right now was just too much for me. He also thinks that although the Straterra (for ADD) seems to be improving my concentration & motivation, it seems to be actually worsening my impulsivity. I agreed. My suicide attempt was really done on impulse. I was fine all morning and was actually getting ready to go watch some friends play in a coffeehouse that evening when a random though hit me that I didn't want to see them or anybody else - ever. So I started both the cars, put the dog out back, then went to sit in the garage. I sat there writing for about ten minutes, then when I'd written what was on my mind, I turned off the cars, but kept sitting in the garage. When the police showed up, the cars were already turned off.
The pdoc asked me again what my biggest problem had been for most of my life & again I didn't even have to think about it - impulse control! So he says - back to Ritalin & keep taking the new antidepressant & anxiety drugs for awhile, along with Topamax for migraines & mood stabilization. I feel better already. I've felt so impulsive lately that I feel anything that will make me less impulsive (and the Ritalin really did) will make my life so much better! Thanks for the support everyone!
Would you believe this is the best support I had through this whole mess? My family is too personally involved to really help much & my few friends were strictly hands off. I'm not 100% our of the woods yet, but I'm already feeling much better. No suicidal thoughts today!
So thanks,
L.
poster:LibbyH
thread:207637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030310/msgs/212546.html