Posted by WorryGirl on March 22, 2003, at 14:30:33
In reply to nervous breakdown?, posted by Sarah S on March 21, 2003, at 20:17:36
> He is often depressed and has low self esteem, but this goes beyond depression. He has uncontrollable fits of violent self-hatred in which he tears out his hair, hits himself, screams how much he hates himself, etc. When this happens, he does not seem to recognize me (except when he incoherently begs me to hit him or kill him) or hear anything I say, and he is incapable of being physically restrained from hurting himself. I try to tell him how much this is devastating me but he doesn't stop, and afterwards he explains it by saying that he "just couldn't stop himself." I don't understand what's going on.
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> Does anybody here do this, and if so could you better explain what it is and how I can deal with it? I myself suffer from depression and anxiety and this is about to drive me over the edge.Hi Sarah,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I personally can relate to some of these things that your boyfriend is doing, because I have displayed some of this behaviour myself (fortunately I don't tear out my hair or hit myself, but I've felt that I wanted to harm myself). I feel immense rage that I can't control how I'm feeling, which I know is wrong and hurtful to myself and others. I feel that no one understands how hard this is.
I don't know if would be the right thing for your boyfriend, but I have often felt that I just wanted to be listened to with no criticism, then loved and held tenderly. Of course, that is the last thing I get, because when someone acts that way, who in the world is going to feel like calmly listening and opening their arms and heart to that person. It is a lot to ask, but if you could try it, it may help.
It sounds like counseling and/or medication is in order, but if you are going to stay with this man, your understanding, unconditional love and support will be needed. Realistically no one should be expected to have to deal with his type of behaviour, but when we start to love and care about someone we often seem to get much more than we bargained for.
I don't know if that helped, but it is what I would like if I were feeling like your boyfriend.
If you are also suffering from depression and anxiety, supporting each other will definitely be a challenge because obviously you need for him to be understanding with you, as well. How supportive is he of your depression and anxiety? Is he self absorbed and feeling that his problems are the only ones that matter? Does he try to be accepting and understanding with you? You may decide that it's one that you would rather not handle right now. Maybe you should take care of yourself before trying to cope with his behaviour.
I wish you the best.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:211273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030310/msgs/211487.html