Posted by kyp on March 17, 2003, at 11:01:08
In reply to Re: P.S..., posted by Tabitha on March 17, 2003, at 0:55:14
I know part of the process that occurs in psychotherapy is that feelings from some past relationships come up and how I automatically responded to them is revealed in how I am tempted to respond to my therapist.
For example, I dont like to tell someone I am displeased with them for various reasons. When I am upset with my T. and I start to feel that old response, she is able to take the brunt of it and help me recognize it and encourages me to say when I am upset about the situation. She does not get offended, she sees it as an opportunity to "guide" me in another way to respond.
She wants me to tell her when I am upset or vulnerable etc. then I can practice the new way of dealing with unpleasant conflict. She is a "safe" person I can express anger with and not fear a negative response. Also, she models how people can be honest with each other ie, I be honest, she does not desert me !
I am much more brutally honest with myself around her than with anyone else. I tell her how I am feeling inside and she does not poo-poo me nor make judgements like a "friend" might.Everything I do and experience in therapy is for MY benefit. That would not be the case with an outside, developing friendship.
All the personal information, things we discuss, activities we do, are all for the benefit of MY mental health.
If I ask her a personal question out of curiosity, she addresses why that is important for me to ask, in what way will it help me in my therapy. A lot of times she says it is personal and it would not benefit my therapy and does not answer it.
She teaches me about boundaries by her example. I have a fuzzy picture of boundaries in the course of my life and she helps me know how to respect hers and how to develope my own.I don't have to address her as I would with a friend, and I don't have to try to come up with answers to her problems or be empathetic to her pain. She is a mirror of who I am in the sense of reflecting back to me what I say and express in body language and draws my attention to that and informs me of how I am coming across and this helps me recognize what I am feeling inside.
She acts like my choices are OK so I have the confidence to be myself and carry them out. If I change my mind after not being satisfied with those choices, I know it was ME who decided them and Me who can change them. I think in any other friendship, there might not be that "freedom to fail" support as much.
With my T. I feel total acceptance, with a friend, I always think about if I am going to offend them or be too revealing and cause them to feel uncomfortable.
I have many friendships and get different satisfactions from each one. My relationship with my therapist is theraputic and I can see she is educated in various theories and approaches that come seemingly naturally to her and she puts them into practice in our relationship.
She cares for me as a person who is learning about how I can be more comfortable in being who I am inside without distractions of another person's personal reactions to me. That is usually enough for me. That relationship is very precious to me and I yearn for that acceptance between sessions, knowing it is there in that office.
If I am trying to put into practice a behavior modification, she is there not only encouraging me as I try to change but experiencing it also.She has told me the reason why our therapy together is so successful, is because of my being real with her and she being able to address what I am saying. She does not have to guess what is going on with me, I tell her. A friend would not be as openmided nor as helpful in me changing myself. Her opinions do not factor into how I decide to live my life,I do not know her opinions on most things. It is much more factual about me and emotionally charged on my account.
I can see psychotherapy not working with every consumer. The timing and honesty needs to be right. The therapist needs to be able to meet the theraputic needs of that client totally based on the needs of the client and not on what the therapist is experiencing. The therapist's needs must be met without it interfereing with the clients progress. I realize they are people with emotions and needs, but they should be processed internally without it affecting the client or overly influencing the therapy.
It took over a year of regularly scheduled sessons before my therapist gained my trust to let down my hair. She listened and noted mentally, little signs that led to my diagnosis that a friend would never recognize probably. Psychotherapy is more than just me talking, active listening is accomplished and like I said, training has been learned in order to know how to address what I am talking about. She is recognizing what I am not understanding and points that out to me.
Boy, have I gone on too long.
Janet
poster:kyp
thread:209882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030310/msgs/210001.html