Posted by jay on January 4, 2003, at 23:52:04
In reply to Re: Self-help groups....no value to me » jay, posted by Phil on January 4, 2003, at 21:17:24
Your points, I think, are all excellent Phil. Therapy in general requires a good reduction in ego, but that has to be handled with care by a therapist. Your mention of a situation where a person/client was getting very angry, and the therapist keeping their cool AND still providing boundaries, is an invaluable skill.One other thing to note also, is that if you feel you are much smarter than your therapist, there is a good chance you are. There is a simple way to come to that conclusion, and that is if your therapist is constantly engaging you in a 'competitive' fashion, they are letting their own issues (again, often ego-related) get in the way. A good therapist knows when and how to use a "challenging" technique, and honestly it is a rare tool, used far more than it should be.
A good rule of thumb is actually very simple: the therapist is there to *listen* to *you*. I think there is a great misconception (and especially amongst therapists!) that they are some sort of mythical Oracle, and I blame pop-psychology for that. (You know, all of those "Ph.D"'s on the talk shows...many who are not even licensed or went to a legitimate school!)
I just brought up a few of these things, and my initial question, because I am about to go into formal counseling, and I want some feedback from folks on how I can get the best out of therapy. I am just as much a client, just as needy, as everyone else on here, and the only way I am going to get good help is by never forgetting that. Otherwise, I would just be wasting mine and someone else's time...and damn..I REALLY need help.
Thanks...
Jay
> Therapist undergo therapy in their training and many therapist need ongoing therapy or meetings of different sorts. It takes courage to say you need to sort things out. If you go in with the thought that this person is my peer and you're watching the process instead of very humbly asking for assistance, it might not help as much.
>
> I think I could be a good therapist right now but, in group, I met an incredible therapist. I was blown away. He came into the group knowing nobody, subbing for my therapist, and he could nail your butt.
>
> One guy was leaving group in a few weeks. The therapist asked why and the guy said he was better and therapy was expensive. The therapist, leaning back in his chair with his feet on an ottoman asked him' "How much money do you make?" The guy got angry and red in the face and said that's none of your business. Therapist: When my wife and I were in grad school, we were spending 50% of our income on therapy. Another group member said , "You must have been really fucked up." The therapist said he was.
> Therapist: So that's how I lived because it was that important-how much do you make, I really want to know. The member was getting madder about this arrogant therapist picking on him and it was very visable. Went on for a few more minutes
> Then...Therapist: So, J---, why are you so private about money and why does it make you so angry? What do you think is up with that?
> I was stunned. This guy looked and talked like Scott Peck and I honestly was in awe of this guy. He then had the group members full attention.
>
> He would confront you-much easier for therapists to do in group than individual. Then he would wonder out loud pissing people off even more. He would challenge you with a calm voice as you were steaming over your pet issue. Keep pushing, then you were busted. Then he would do a little one on one and could help 8 group members in an hour and a half.
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> He got more accomplished in one meeting than my therapist could in three months.
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> I'm sorry jay, I've forgotten the subject. Think it's nap time.
>
> Phil
poster:jay
thread:2033
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2112.html