Posted by nikita on December 18, 2002, at 8:59:41
I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to post this morning. You are all strangers but I feel you are the only ones who would understand. I’m having a lot of trouble getting past something. I’m 31, divorced, and dating a man with three kids. I have a 4 year old daughter. I haven’t meant his kids yet and we’ve been dating since the spring. He remarked at one time that he was “concerned” about me being around the kids because of my cutting. Well, that made me feel horrible, like a monster. I’m on Risperdal for it which is really helping and feel I’m doing better with it, but still cut sometimes. I told him I have made a pact to myself never to do it when my daughter is home, and that I was really hurt, like I was too crazy to be around children (his are older, teens). Now all of a sudden he wants me to spend Christmas with them to get to know them. I haven’t even met them. On the one hand, of course I want him to be honest with me about how he feels, I know my problem is hard on him too. He caught me once and was really freaked. It was one of those small cuts but lots of blood episodes and it really shoot him, understandably. And I really can’t say how I would feel if I were in his shoes. I just can’t get past the fact that he has concerns about me around his kids. Despite the depression and cutting, I am confident I am a great mom and knowing what he thinks just makes me feel 10 times worse. Just makes me want to cut more. I’m so sad today, and can’t stop thinking about what HE thinks about me. He’s been very supportive and understanding but when he starts talking about what is in the best interest of his children, it makes me feel like a monster.
poster:nikita
thread:1882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1882.html