Posted by Miller on November 13, 2002, at 8:21:09
In reply to Re: mistake? » Miller, posted by likelife on November 12, 2002, at 19:46:36
Hello Lifelike,
I am glad I was able to help. I too am much more able to write my thoughts and feelings to my shrink. So far, he has gotten three REALLY long letters.
I'll tell you one more story that should help you to decide to go to your appointment. I have been very distrubed by the fact that I think my shrink doesn't worry about my suicidal talk. I have been thinking about it a lot lately. On one hand, I feel a temptation to harm myself out of spite. (See, I told you so type of behaviour.) And on the other hand I feel if I do kill myself I wouldn't want him to be blamed or feel like it was his fault. Anyway, I posted asking for advise from others.
So, on Monday night I decided that I would call and leave a message for him on his machine telling him that he made me angry. He, of course, answered the phone when I called. (That only happens when I DON'T want to talk to him.) So, I told him everything. I was scared to death I was going to piss him off. It is my fear that if I challange him or make him mad, he won't want to help me anymore.
The good news is that he told me I did not make him mad and that he and I are a team trying to get me to feel better. He said he wants to tell me not to worry about his feelings or reactions but he realises I will anyway. He assured me as long as I want and need his help, he will be there.
My next appoinment is next week. He said we will talk about my anger with him as well as my fears right away. He said he wants to think through everything I said so he can better understand my concerns.
The moral of the story is that although I thought the call would be a negative, he sees it as a positive. Trust the fact that your thought process is tainted by your depression and fears. Your therapist will be able to look at ALL angles of your concerns. Trust her.
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:1523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1535.html