Posted by Mark H. on September 14, 2002, at 1:08:07
In reply to update on feeling p***ed off at therapist, posted by bookgurl99 on September 10, 2002, at 20:52:33
Hi Bookgurl,
I have a sign on my monitor at work with several things I need to remind myself of fairly often. One of them is this:
Ask more -- speculate less.
I can spin stuff out in my mind until I've driven myself quite mad with possibilities, yet often the misunderstandings and mismatches of intent can be cleared up in a few minutes if I override my sense of being wronged and simply ask about what I want to know. (It may be "simple," but that doesn't mean it is easy.)
One of the adjustments I needed to make in my behavior in relationship, for instance, was to stop asking, "Are you OK?" and to start asking instead, "Am I OK with you?" The latter leaves it open for the person to affirm my OK-ness, with or without qualifications, or to confirm my sense of things being out of sorts, should that be the case. Either way, I'm better off to have my insecurity out in the open to discuss, rather than defensively projecting it on my partner.
I admire your courage in confronting your therapist AND in sharing the fact as an encouragement to the rest of us to do the same. Therapists have stuff going on on different levels as well, and a client like you who is clear and direct can help the therapist get back on track, even if she had erred in the recent past. It's a form of values clarification that is particularly powerful and very healthy.
Keep up the good work, Bookgurl.
With appreciation,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:1053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1067.html