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Re: I think the most difficult part » Dinah

Posted by melinda on July 24, 2002, at 18:28:56

In reply to I think the most difficult part » Dinah, posted by judy1 on July 23, 2002, at 22:33:07

I can relate to the symptoms of schizophrenia personally...I have paranoid schizophrenia. I take Zyprexa which has helped eliminate most of the delusions. The paranoia I feel now is generally less intense and is much shorter in duration. That is, for example, I don't feel for months on end that Bill Gates is monitoring me. (Which by the way, was a long-standing delusion I had.) Now I might feel every now and then that Bill is watching me.

A day in the life (for me) is unpredicatable. I can't tell when the paranoia is going to creep up on me. One day I might have no problems at work. The next day I might hear conversations about me and think the IT staff is monitoring my email and IM (Instant Messenger). One day I might enjoy the company of others. The next day I want to hide away in my shell and have no contact with the outside world. One day I might feel safe in my apartment. The next day I might be petrified that someone is going to break in while I'm asleep. And the list goes on...

I've been going to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for the past month. The goal of the therapy is to teach me how to "see reason" at the time of a delusion or hallucination. So far it's been a positive experience, though it's rocking the boat a little, as I'm re-learning ways to deal with my delusions.

During a psychotic break, there is a period of time during which I'm fully aware that I'm losing touch with reality...that I'm "losing my mind". I'll admit, that's the scariest feeling I've ever experienced.

Each person who has schizophrenia experiences different symptoms. If you want to learn more about schizophrenia in general or you'd like to read some first hand accounts, take a look at htt://www.schizophrenia.com. The site has a lot of information.

-melinda


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