Posted by terra miller on June 9, 2002, at 10:32:07
In reply to Thanks Terra, posted by judy1 on June 8, 2002, at 23:16:34
> I think I'm reading too much ;-).
It is veryveryvery common for people in the early staged of PTSD/DID-DDNOS therapy to read like crazy to figure out what in the world is going on.
>Most definitely I am at the trust stage and some days I think I will be there for quite a while. My therapist talks a lot about changing my 'shame-based' attitudes, I guess that is mostly cognitive. (yep)
>I was so gung-ho after I saw her Thursday and bought these psych books, now all my energy is going into trying not to dissociate.
Try to remember that the whole basic idea behind dissociating is that you/judy don't know everything in your immediate recollection. However, and this is important, just because you/judy don't remember doesn't mean that 1)the information isn't stored in your brain somewhere and that 2)That same "place" in your brain that you are unaware of also takes in the information that you/judy are reading. Soooooo, if you read some material that you have no problem handling intellectually, some other "place" in your brain might be flipping out because something that you are reading brings internal recall of a past trauma and b-i-n-g-o..... you are triggering (PTSD) for who knows what reason, and you start dissociating (DID/DDNOS; losing time; SI; holes in your memory) That's why it's important to go slowly, because you personally have no idea what you can/cannot handle and triggers can come from anywhere even the most innocent.
It helps to read a little and then put it down, even if you feel fine about it. Maybe write down your thoughts about what you read. See if you are fine the next day. If you are fine, then you probably can proceed to read some more. However, if you are triggered by something you have the opportunity to write about it and get it out on paper- which will help lessen the dissociating a bit.
If you are having trouble writing (I hated writing because I couldn't stand to see it on the page), then what you can do is write on a page and when you are finished, then you fold the page in half (you only write on one side of the paper). Then ontop of the folded blank side, write who it's for. It might be for your therapist to read. It might be for you to read when you're feeling stronger. It might be for someone else (in the case of DID) to read. The point is, if someone is a heavy dissociator, that doesn't change overnight and it is there for a reason/it's a protective mechanism. And you have to find creative ways to honor the need for dissociating while slowly lowering the barriers a little. Try to lower the barriers too fast and you end up with hate notes written "to" you, "from" you. (I had that happen once, and it scared me half to death. But it certainly got my attention!)
Blabbering on and on as usual :-)
~terra
poster:terra miller
thread:262
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020516/msgs/274.html