Posted by TomV on October 6, 2004, at 14:35:57
I lost my father, suddenly, right in front of my eyes, when I was 7 years old. He died of a sudden heart attack. I was extremely stoic, holding everything back, never cried once, didn't attend the funeral. So what's hard to believe?
I developed depersonalization disorder at age 11. I had moderate bouts of depression throughout my life. I also developed several anxiety disorders during the course of my life. What's hard to believe is that I didn't get help for any of this until I was 30 years old. Through in-sighted therapy I had a crashing breakthrough, followed by a crushing grief and severe depression after discovering I never grieved for dear old dad.
What else has occurred during this period? My DD trickled away, which has been replaced by severe PTSD. Strong flashbacks to my childhood. I also dream constantly, all about my childhood. I'm quite certain I have more dreams than the most shellshocked war veteran. And none of it is related to drugs, because I dream a ton on meds and off them. I'm still very depressed and have no feeling at all most of the time (a numb feeling)
What might surprise you is that I had a wonderful childhood, in spite of all the disorders I developed. I truly believed I would heal on my own some day, but it just doesn't seem to be happening, at least not naturally. It's been 8 years since the breakthrough.
Anyway, has anyone ever had a delayed reaction like my own? I've don't remember anyone else on the boards having the same experience as my own. My doctors and therapists have been of very little help, except at the very beginning of treatment. I'm kind of at a loss to explain things to my family and friends. Can anyone relate?
Tom
poster:TomV
thread:399667
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/399667.html