Posted by regisx on July 23, 2016, at 21:36:32
Does it make you feel better or does it make life easier?
For me it never did.
I struggled for years and years with doubts and worried about not really being saved, not believing correctly, losing my faith and so on.I listened to probably thousand or more sermons from all kinds of preachers. Most of them terrified me and made my suffering only worse.
There are SO many teachings out there which are pure poison for somebody with ocd and anxiety.
I have heard stuff like:
You can fail to "receive" your salvation if you don't have faith in the moment when you ask for it.
Or this whole stuff about that you must not doubt.
When I know that I must believe and not doubt then this causes even more anxiety. Then I become even more afraid of doubts.I emailed with ministries, talked to pastors over the phone basically NOBODY could help me or even really understand these struggles. Sooner or later I'd hear stuff like "you don't really want to believe".
I could never and still can't even read in the bible without coming across a verse which scares me or where I start to ask myself if I'm even really saved or not.
For example when I read that the fruits of the spirit are this and that and then I look at myself and see no such fruits then I worry.
Or when other christians talk about "experiencing" God or having a "relationship" with God then I ask myself what are they talking about?!
When all I can do is talk to God about my problems and basically repeat the same stuff every day and then run out of words or feel like this is totally useless then is this a "relationship"? Imo not.
Years ago I used to do this. I'd talk and talk and talk about things on my mind but it only dragged me down. I started becoming frustrated.
Today I really don't even know what to say anymore. I don't even want to talk about my problems cause then I feel even worse. Then I think my situation is so messed up why doesn't God simply do something and then I feel much worse than before.
Basically there's nothing left of the christian "disciplines". I cant read the bible, I cant talk to God anymore. Nothing left.
If the rapture happened now I'd not even feel confident or feel like I accomplished anything or made any progress. I'd worry about what God would say about what I should have done differently.
I mean this can't have been God's will right?
Why should God want somebody to be totally paralyzed and not "grow" as a christian?But I really don't know what to do differently.
I'm scared of going to church and listening to the sermons there. I'd also be scared of being exposed to other christians and their opinions or judgement.I made a few bad experiences. One time a pastor told me that I'm not saved he didn't even know me we only talked for a few minutes and then he tells me that I'm trying to fight sin in my own strength and that I'm not saved.
After that I felt terrible.
I don't want to experience stuff like that again.
Or when I look at other christians and feel like they are totally different and that they really draw strength from their faith and that they're not afraid then this also makes me feel bad.
It may sound stupid but I've even been afraid of what heaven might be like. I think what if there's no more "individualism" and everybody just sits there in a white robe and sings and bows 24/7 like robots?
poster:regisx
thread:1090799
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20130321/msgs/1090799.html