Posted by Mercury on June 27, 2003, at 15:16:14
In reply to Emotional Pain/Higher Realms, posted by Temmie on June 26, 2003, at 22:14:05
Hi Temmie,
What a wonderfully honest posting. You've inspired me to try some of that honesty too. See what happens.
Today, I went to see a behavioral therapist for the first time, in a very long time. I told him that I needed help quiting smoking and drinking. He gave me some Lexapro, recommended AA and told me to come back in 2 weeks. But I have come here because I am aware that I need more than that. And at the most basic level, this is a spiritual issue which cannot be ignored.
You see, I "woke up" 7 years ago to a wonderful new understanding of life. It was a joyful awakening...sublime and exciting. Yet, I have never really been able to capture and hold that feeling. I regained power over my life, only to loose it again, I've seen angels, only to stop looking for them, I've spoken to God, only to stop listening, I've been inspired and have inspired others, only to loose myself once again in this God damned darkness.
I suppose I should remember that enlightenment is a journey, not a destination. One doesn't just "wake-up" one day and be cured of the world. (as if it was a disease) As long as we're in it, its a part of us. (Boy is that easy to SAY) The problem I'm having is that so much of what I see around me just makes me want to scream in frustration. I have 3 beautiful little boys, with so much joy in their hearts, such capacity for Love and so much potential for growth that the thought of them being swallowed up by a world that generates so much sorrow haunts my every waking moment.
I am so disappointed in humanity that it literally makes me sick. Where I used to see God in the face of everyone I meet, now I see only lost and desperate souls. I still remember who they are, who we are, but it seems that this remembering has made it all so much more difficult. We should know better. We should ALL know better. We are all born with such wonderful gifts. To squander them so quickly and needlessly is almost more than my heart can bare.
September 11th was the day I stopped trying to fight it. It was the day I decided to give up on changing things through love, and embraced force as necessary evil. I said to hell with the world, if people are going to rain destruction down on each other then F*ck them!...we'll just have to get them, before they get us.
It was poison.
Which I drank by the bottle. And smoked by the pack. It was a death sentence for my higher self which I gleefully accepted because it too had failed me so miserably. Let it die I said. Its not doing anyone any good anyway.
So there you have it. I'm a fallen Angel...again.
Perhaps we might emerge once again to feel the warm light of God's grace on our faces. That is my choice...and my prayer for today and all the days of my life. In the meantime, its nice to meet you Temmie.
I'd be happy to be your friend.
One Love,
Mercury
poster:Mercury
thread:230734
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030530/msgs/237540.html