Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 10, 2002, at 13:27:13
In reply to Feeling guilty about going to church., posted by Dinah on November 10, 2002, at 10:33:16
> I have suddenly got the notion that it is somehow wrong to go to church each week when somewhere in the back of my mind is the idea that someday I will kill myself.
----------------------------I talked to someone else about the very same thing recently, and I don't feel that you're in the wrong. Jesus never condemned anyone in the gospels for suicide.
Besides that, this is a situation fairly beyond your control. You didn't ask to have a depressive/suicidal brain, and you've been coping with it as best you can. Maybe it's splitting hairs, but I think that there's a gradation of volition in suicide. Some people might kill themsleves in a sudden fit of emotion, or to spite someone who has aggrieved them, having never really had the inclination. Another person may have the notion more deeply and simply, as it's almost part of the nature of their brain processes. True mental illness isn't an abberation of someone's normal state, it *is* their normal state. That's not to say that you throw your hands up and give in. As humans, we have the unique ability to evaluate and override our impulses. It's just much more difficult for some people.
I think the fact that you go to church is evidence of the truth that you're trying, and you want help. You can't punish yourself for sins you haven't committed. Everyone thinks about "immoral" things that they'd like to do (adultery, theivery, etc), and that's what makes religious devotion hard. Even Jesus was tempted on occasion. If it were easy, there wouldn't be much point to it.
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:1209
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20021001/msgs/1211.html