Posted by Nadezda on September 19, 2008, at 11:04:44
My self=esteem is at a very low ebb right now.
My T seems to have no respect for me, and to be pushing me relentlessly, even contemptuously, to do things that I'm afraid to do. He seems to have lost patience with me, and to be resorting to this kind of constant annoyance at what he sees as my "excuses."
I had been working toward going to a class last night-- that I'm having all these fears and crazy phantasies about-- building the teacher up into this giant who will hate me, etc. Yesterday during the day, I thought I could go. Then my painting in the afternoon went really badly and I lost any confidence in myself that I had tried to connect to. I just couldn't face being in a situation where I felt so worthless.
I haven't gone to see my T for my last two appointments, including this morning, because I can't face the barrage of criticism and also I feel pretty much like a complete failure. I honestly think I never will be able to go and do a lot of things that other people can do, and I don't understand what's the matter with me, and why my mind goes crazy when I'm faced with something that just isn't that hard.
I'm completely bummed out right now.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:852891
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20080816/msgs/852891.html