Posted by Racer on July 23, 2006, at 16:24:32
In reply to Re: A local minima? » Declan, posted by llrrrpp on July 23, 2006, at 15:20:29
> >
> Well, laughing at yourself is a lovely thing to work on. After the fear and anger and hurt are gone, can you look at what happened and realize the ridicularity of it all?I'm sorry, Lurpsie, I had to report this post to the Word Police. They'll be around later, to check your license for making up words...
;-)
I couldn't resist. The idea of the Word Police came to me recently, so I'm sending them out a lot...
> Sure there are a lot of mistakes to be made. I make them all the time, so do most people. But the rules of society are not written down, immutable. They change dramatically depending on circumstance and inebriation.
That's a really thought provoking and dead-on comment. And sometimes I think some people will change the rules on you IN ORDER for you to make a mistake. (I had a boss who would dump emotional experiences on me, and then tell me I was behaving inappropriately if I tried to say anything about my emotional experience. {shrug} Guess that makes one of us less than healthy, huh?)
I'm working on using my own perspective these days. How do *I* feel about having said [x]? Not how did someone else react, but how did *I* react to my behavior? If I'm OK with it, then I'm working on being OK with it.
Of course, being me, if it's not *perfect,* it's not OK, but that's a different story...
>Anyone who holds a grudge because of a social "error" is probably not worth your company anyways.
My mantra, which isn't quite solid for me at all -- YET -- is, "Anyone who would notice that error, Is Not My Friend."
I watched "To Kill A Mockingbird" last night, on TCM, and there's a scene where Scout brings a boy home from school, and when he pours syrup over his lunch, she asks what he's doing? The maid takes her into the kitchen and tells her that the boy is company, and if he wants to eat the tablecloth, she's still not to say anything about him, but just let him. *That* is what good manners are about -- making people feel at ease. Anyone who doesn't have good manners, doesn't deserve my energy.
Does that attitude always work for me? Nope. Not at all. Not even usually. But every so often, I remember it, and that's progress for me.
Nice post, Lurpsie.
poster:Racer
thread:667665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060706/msgs/669752.html