Posted by Sulpicia on July 10, 2001, at 3:55:14
In reply to Re: My daughter just went into the Hospital, help us, posted by frenchy on July 9, 2001, at 22:57:36
> Yep. The boyfriend was our major hairshirt too. More about him in a bit -- I should mention all the things I forgot.
The odds are remote that you'll ever need any of this info but thinking and preparing can prevent a mess.
Every state has a specific legal statute that can be used to force a person to be examined by a psychiatrist and held for observation for a brief period.
Call and make an appointment with the social worker at the hospital and make sure you understand how to do this should the need arise. The process is recondite and complex -- this is good because it prevents abuse, but in an emergency it can be very difficult.
Since she was concerned about suicide, and it's very good that she was able to express herself, have a discrete look around your home.
If you have a firearm, get rid of it for now. Get rid of large bottles of tylenol, or products containing it. If you use it regularly, transfer a smaller number into another bottle.
By getting rid of these 2 you decrease the risk of trouble significantly. I might also ask her if she had a suicide plan.
I don't know what your financial position is but please make sure you have an excellent psychiatrist. Unless fate has smiled on, an HMO behavioral health system will not do. If money is tight, call the department of psychiatry at the best university affiliated teaching hospital and go thru the clinic, which has a sliding scale. Ask if they have a child fellow -- unfortunately the residency year has just begun and bipolar is NOT appropriate for a raw intern.
Another option, if her pdoc thinks it appropriate, might be a longer inpatient stay. She won't need an acute program like she has now, but there are programs that would take her for a month or so and really focus on education about her disorder, and teen life stuff.
And just in case things get hairy down the road, there is a provision of Medicaid that will give her coverage and not take parental income or assets into consideration. Ask and I'll post the info.Now to the boy -- I wish I had an intelligent answer. I can only share my experience.
Boy 1 came with the horrible crisis of last summer. Unlike your daughter, mine also had a substance abuse problem, which made bipolar *lots* of fun.
Boy 1 was heavily involved with drugs and encouraged my daughter to run away several times. And the drugs. My initial thinking, not knowing most of this, nor that he was genuinely evil, was to not press the point. There is some wisdom in this: if you take a hard stand, you risk forcing a bad choice. You must balance this with genuine danger to your daughter. In 20/20 hindsight, my 2 cents: if you see drugs/alcohol [which will destabilize a bipolar if not kill them from med interaction], if you see him encouraging behavior that is dangerous -- not sleeping, running away, not taking meds, I would come down hard. Call the police, get a restraining order, threaten to sue his parents -- anything necessary. I finally got rid of boy 1 by putting my daughter in a 6 wk treatment program and having him arrested. Fortunately he was very stupid and left evidence.
She came to realize what a dirtbag he was with little input from me.
Boy 2, about 3 months after she got out of the hospital, was merely stupid and emotionally unstable. He sounds like what you are dealing with.
It's not so dangerous to her, though I would be very concerned about his depression and judgment.
She has her hands full right now and it can be difficult for a professional to deal with depression, let alone a teen with so much to cope with. I would absolutely keep the lines of communication wide open, and I would express my concern about her having to deal with his depression. As for lacking common sense or understanding bipolar, I would tactfully express those concerns too.
Sleep is essential. Not getting into huge emotional dramas is wise in early stabilization. Paying attention and reporting symptoms of cycling is an import part of recovery -- ditto for depression.
If she lauches off into mania and he follows as a willing companion, she needs to think about this.
Clearly you must follow your instincts but my gut told me not to issue ultimatums unless I saw clear danger. He feeds her self-esteem in a way a parent cannot. You must judge the cost/benefit ratio.
My daughter got rid of boy 2 after 4 months. Boy 3 was dispatched even more quickly. Each one has been objectionable, but less and less so.
My daughter has lost most of her friends too, tho from her illness, change of school, and sobriety. She manages well on some days and not so well on others.
She was also not interested or ready for therapy when she came home. We saw our pdoc [for whom thank you higher power] weekly and kept in close touch by phone. It was not until nearly a year later that she expressed interest in talking to him alone. Now that relationship is up and running. Urge but don't demand. If family therapy is upsetting to her right now, delay it. As she stabilizes she'll be more resilient.
Do not make a huge fuss if she fouled up the school year -- there are tons of ways to get around this and she doesn't need more to fret about.
I know I haven't answered .... but it's time for me to get into the office and write. Lovely schedule I have currently. :)
I will remember to post some links for you.
And please keep in mind that she will be OK.
S.
poster:Sulpicia
thread:260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20000813/msgs/268.html