Posted by pseudoname on February 10, 2006, at 10:01:30
In reply to Re: for all Babblers: “Help” by Garret Keizer » pseudoname, posted by sleepygirl on February 9, 2006, at 22:41:40
> people are doing the best they can....can you say more about this?
As far as its place in Keizer's book goes, I'm not sure I can add much more. But as a general principle or belief, it is pretty intriguing, as you say.
The question seems to me to be "The best they can — toward what end?" We might say that a certain drug abuser seems to be doing the best he can to ruin his health and alienate everyone he knows. But I think Keizer's principle would mean that even in the midst of his self-destructive and other-destructive behavior, he's really doing the best he can to live a productive life, use his resources efficiently, contribute to the well-being of his family and community, and so on.
I guess the idea is that somehow, at base, no one is *really* trying to harm themselves or others.
I think that idea would very often have to be accepted simply as an article of faith, because so often the commonsense evidence demands the conclusion that people are freely being deliberately horrible and ruinous.
For example, to me, a woman who continually returns to a misogynistic, physically abusive boyfriend does NOT seem to be "doing the best" she can. She seems to be freely choosing a very bad outcome. My initial reaction is, "Why on earth should anyone care or try to help you?!" But the principle Keizer brought up, which I can believe in, tells me that there must be more to the story. Given the girlfriend's genetic makeup, developmental history, biochemistry, and current circumstances, she really is behaving as productively, healthfully, and helpfully as she possibly can.
Only with that belief could I make any serious effort to help her or lessen her pain — to say nothing of the boyfriend!
I think this idea, if you believe it, can really open you up to empathy and patience.
I'd be really interested to know what you thought about it, sleepygirl. Does it seem "believable" to you?
poster:pseudoname
thread:608011
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/books/20051228/msgs/608285.html