Posted by smartweed on September 7, 2004, at 15:41:35
Greetings. I'm a 50-year-old woman with a longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder (type II). I have undergone conventional treatments (medications and/or psychotherapy) off and on since my early 20s. I have probably never been completely free of symptoms (beginning in childhood), but I have had periods of relative stability during which I have been able to function reasonably well.
Although I certainly don't dismiss the medical model as a partial explanation for my "illness," I believe that its overstated. My developmental history was one of trauma and sustained emotional neglect, which my last pdoc dismissed as being of no significance whatsoever in the etiology of my "disease." His assertions that its all a matter of my having "a brain disease" - bad genes and faulty wiring - might perhaps not be so troubling if the extravagent claims made for the efficacy of medications were borne out by my experience. Medications have not, however, been very effective for me: I am "treatment resistant." I won't detail the years of misdiagnosis and medications trials I've been through, which would no doubt be a familiar story to most of you. Through it all, I seemed to do just as well (or badly) on or off medications.
In the last few years, I did have some success with Lamictal, Wellbutrin and Seroquel as prescribed by my last pdoc. But eventually my symptoms reemerged, and each time I reported a deterioration in my mood, the pdoc advised adding additional medications (and gave me an additional diagnosis of ADD). Given my lack of sustained positive response to medications, and my feeling that the "fix" - if there is one - has also to involve my coming to terms with the psychodynamic foundations of my disorder and the fallout from a lifetime of instability, I have long been conflicted about medications as the solution. My latest course of therapy has driven me to a point of despair. Its a conundrum: on the one hand, I'm being told that I must accept that I have a brain disease and that I'll need to be on medications for the rest of my life; on the other hand, the medications don't work. I believe that much of my depression has to do with feeling that I am powerless to control the direction of my life. I am struggling to overcome this black view of things, but my pdoc's assertions simply reinforce the idea that I have no control.
The so-called "stress-diathesis" model - the notion that genetic vulnerability in combination with stressful life circumstances can result in mental illness - makes a great deal of sense to me. I can accept that I am "brain damaged" but I also tend to think that the brain is "plastic" and can be rehabilitated to some extent with therapeutic interventions that do not involve medications.
I recently began attending a bipolar support group, and so far it seems to be about accepting one's "illness" rather than striving to get well. People introduce themselves by saying "I'm so-and-so, and I am bipolar". They talk about taking it all one day at a time. The hegemony of the psychopharmacology discourse is overwhelming and its assumptions underlie discussions and conversations at every level. I feel so isolated in my views.
I took myself off medications last March, and I have been sinking into a deep depression. I could probably ride out the depression, but what always tends to do me in is the acute anxiety (generalized and social) that tends to come with it. Its possible that this would have been mitigated somewhat by the medications, but maybe not, as I've had several similar episodes while on the meds. I don't want to see the pdoc, who will attempt to scare and bully me into taking more meds, new meds.
Anyone who has struggled with the debilitating effects of depression, bipolar disorder, etc. will know how heartbreaking their effects can be. Presumably some of you post on this forum because you question the assumptins of psychiatric of the establishment and are searching for alternative understandings and remedies.
I am searching for some hope and a possibility that I may still find some way of healing that doesn't involve psychopharmacology. I have recently begun researching nutritional supplements and have begun taking fish oil, vitamin C, vitamin B12, a multivitamin, lecithin, and L-threonine. I don't know if this is a good combination, but its from a "shopping list" I found on the internet. The L-threonine has been effective in reducing my anxiety, but its too soon to tell if the other supplements are having any effect. I am also trying to learn meditation to relieve my anxiety, to practice yoga, and to get regular aerobic exercise.
Sorry if I've been rambling. I would be grateful to anyone who would share their experiences with alternative therapies for bipolar disorder. What influenced you to seek alternatives? Have they worked for you?
Thanks so much.
poster:smartweed
thread:387704
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20040901/msgs/387704.html