Posted by NoMotic on December 16, 2003, at 11:42:47
In reply to Re: Extreme Shyness » taylor18, posted by Larry Hoover on December 16, 2003, at 10:01:01
> I think your best strategy is cognitive. If you use a substance, you'll never gain confidence that you can do it, all by yourself.
>
I disagree with this partially, based on my own experience. I am "shy" when I use caffeine, period. I think the raised cortisol levels that accompanies daily caffeine use messes me up... reducing prefrontal cortex dopamine. In other words, making me slower in the mind. That coupled with the anxious feeling of caffeine makes me inhibited, period. However, maybe shy is indeed the wrong term to use here. I am not really scared of what people think of me... rather, when I use too much caffeine and get that "inhibited" or "passive" feeling (shyness?) I tend to just not desire to talk to people. I feel a bit awkward, as a baseline state, though I do not really care what people think. I don't know if that makes sense, but I have trouble explaining it any other way.In addition, when I choose to use caffeine, i need a good deal of sleep to feel outgoing and not shy (again, maybe wrong term?). Here's an example. In one of my math classes at school, I did not get a lot of sleep and as a result, I wasn't an active participator in class. Even when I knew the answer to a problem, i wouldn't raise my hand, simply because I didn't feel like it... I might have felt slightly awkward. However, when I get a lot of sleep and my mental speed is quick as lightning, I am significantly less shy feeling. In fact, the few times I have gotten a lot of sleep, I participate A LOT in class. I think this is due to refreshed dopamine levels after lots of sleep, which override that inhibited state. So am I shy? I don't know. But I do know I can make myself "inhibited" through caffeine use and lack of sleep.
I have experience with many supplements, and I consider Kava to be the #1 shyness reducing supplement. Of course, watch for liver problems, dont use with alcohol, etc. It makes me much more friendlier and outgoing, reduces that inhibited feeling, and increases my mental speed. # 2 behind kava would be lemon balm and shizandra, from my experience. # 3 would be 5-HTP, but that makes me feel different than the first 3. 5-HTP doesn't increase my mental speed, but rather it dissolves that tense feelings from too much caffeine. Its not as good as the first 3 for making me more outgoing.
> I am pathologically shy. But you wouldn't know that today. If you met me, you'd gain quite a different impression of me. Yet deep inside, that kernel of shyness remains. It is a trait, an inborn characteristic. But, via cognitive coping strategies, I am no longer substantially impaired by it.I agree that this can help, though. In fact, once graduating high school, I developed my own coping strategies and it helped. Important point however: I wasn't using caffeine, my anxiety levels were lowER (not low, nor high), and all I had to do was harness that inborn cognitive plasticity, and was able to change myself like Hoover says. It's possible, but much more possible in someone who tends to be on the less shy side naturally. Plus, many other factors go into "shyness". I feel less shy on days that I feel I look good and well-groomed. Shy? Ahh, I might choose to fully not care when I do look like crap, but I feel more confident when I look good.
>
> One of the first things that helped me, and gave me the insight to see that cognitive tools are useful for shyness, was when a friend said to me, "You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you, if you realized how seldom they did."Again, I agree. Though one can be naturally shy or naturally extroverted, one still has the choice of whether or not to care. Though I will sometimes describe myself as feeling awkward or inhibited when I use too much caffeine, I try my best to not care what people think, and indeed this helps. Just the same, when I lower my caffeine, my natural disinhibited side takes over and I can further this attitude of not caring into an extroverted personality. But because caffeine sometimes lowers my overall mental speed if I use too much, I sometimes simply have nothing to say - nothing is in my brain to say... which comes off as shyness, but in fact, my brain isn't producing any extroverted-ness to show to others.
poster:NoMotic
thread:290398
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20031204/msgs/290530.html