Posted by Solstice on November 8, 2010, at 14:12:34
In reply to Re: realistic possibilities » Solstice, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2010, at 12:49:54
> It was a loaded phrase.
You're not kidding! I thought I saw some good dialogue goin' on... and was really encouraged when I saw his post with descriptions of 'realistic possibilities' that I thought included more expansive flexibility on his part. But that phrase - soon as a saw it I was like "Pop!" (and ok, I confess... I went so far as to wonder "WHAT was he thinking?!" Nothing at all wrong with the phrasing and its use of 'love' to represent something else... but I'm not sure I understand the wisdom of it here, in the context of a topic (blocking) that carries deep wounds for many members of this 'family.' Kinda like going to visit a family member recovering from 3rd degree burns in the burn unit, and believing your mild pat on their burned shoulder is going to be interpreted like you meant it. (Dramatic, I know, but I'm trying to make a point :) And I DON'T see a point in triggering deeply felt sensitivities unnecessarily, especially in a message that includes promising ideas.
> And I suppose I've been trying to lower the turmoil level. :)
I know....
> It wasn't the concept I minded, just the phrasing.I don't 'get' the choice of phrasing...
> As a mom, I can say without any shadow of doubt that it's possible to block a behavior without rejecting a person.
I think it's easier to do that in real life than forum life. You can do things to block your son's behavior that don't include cutting him out of your life and isolating him from family support for grossly extended periods of time. Here though, Dr. Bob can genuinely *not* dislike a person - but in extended blocks for every level of infraction in the context of this forum - there's just no way to get around it feeling like a rejection of the person - regardless of how it's characterized. I don't know how someone who is off their game enough to step off the straight and narrow in the first place and get blocked, can get banished from their (sometimes only) source of support and then have the internal resources to tell themselves "well, it's just my behavior that's being rejected - not me." I proposed an idea about setting up a Mediator system where members threatened with a block can voluntarily opt for Mediator assistance to get themselves back on track (or, they could opt to face the current Block system). I hope there's something in what I proposed (it's earlier in the thread under "Thoughts from a Newcomer") that might be helpful.
> Heck, I feel rejected if my therapist gets a chance to say "It's time to stop today." No matter how he says it.
:) Precisely. No need go around here patting on burned shoulders. Will frequently be interpreted as a threat - and justifiably so.
In my own therapy, I was 'desensitized' first by a total absence of exposure, then an incredibly attuned therapist who noticed each and every single time something happened that triggered me. Didn't matter how unreasonable (or irrational) my reaction was to the trigger. It was always met with care. Something about the compassionate response to my irrational reaction is what gave me space to heal, and gradually built my ability to incorporate more rational interpretations. Punishing or rejecting my irrational interpretations would not have led to my current state of balance.
So I would like to see more intentional administrative sensitivity to administrative input that tends to trigger forum disruption.
Solstice
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:965628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/969234.html