Posted by Dr. Bob on December 31, 2006, at 15:25:12
In reply to Re: clarification for SLS - trigger I think., posted by madeline on December 29, 2006, at 10:01:40
> When people imply that they are going to swallow 300 pills with Vodka, I feel very helpless because there is little I can do to change their actions if they are no longer posting. Such behaviour makes me feel manipulated in some ways. I don't know if the person is half dead somewhere or reading the board looking to see the reactions of other members on the board. It's not healthy to receive or look for negative attention.
>
> it's not healthy for me to read these type of posts so I will just ignore them.
>
> MaximeThanks for the I-statements. It's hard to care about someone and at the same time to feel unable to help them.
Negative attention may not be healthy, but some people prefer it to no attention at all. It is, however, healthy to refrain from something that's not healthy for you, and I'm glad you're able to do that.
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> > > I am more upset by "threats" - especially those that that imply suicide to be the consequences of the content/action/support gotten or NOT gotten from other posters or Adm.
> >
> > It's a policy here not to pressure others, so that should be covered?
>
> Yes, that *would* cover it. I don't see that guideline used very often on the boards.
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> FarkusWell, at least it's covered. Maybe it's not used as much as it should be, I don't know. Please notify us (with the notification button) if you think there's an issue. It may be hard to agree on what's implied and how to take that into account, but I do think this is important for us to address.
> I would like to see a policy explicitly stated (restated) that covers suicide threats in reponse to other posters. I would also like to see the specific adminstrative action that could result from this kind of "offense".
>
> MaddieIt's a policy here not to pressure others, and that includes by threatening suicide. Regarding enforcement, see:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce
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> Theoretically, I would feel manipulated if suicide was repeatedly, and knowingly, used inplace of a (perhaps less loaded) emotion. I feel that reducing such a devastating act to a synonym for "confused", "hurt", "angry", "afraid", "rejected", "lonely", or any other emotion makes light of that type of death.
Manipulated to what end, with what goal in mind? I'm not sure about "in place of", people can feel both confused and suicidal, hurt and suicidal, etc.
> I would feel offended if a process like that could be acknowledged by each party involved, "apoligized" for, and yet repeated over - without consequence. It would make me feel manipulated and unsafe
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> ElaineMI understand, it can be hard. But OTOH it's not necessarily easy for people to break patterns of behavior, either.
> I think it would be very helpful to hear, "you can get help, you can do this, this, and this and here's what happened when I did it, and I'm glad I did it" rather than "snap out of it", "you're such a downer", "stop being so dramatic", or "be more responsable for yourself". Unfortuneately, such sentiments are fairly common with a lot of people who don't know what it is like to feel very depressed, and getting loads of such "advice" can be very discouraging.
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> laimaI agree, it's not helpful to hear. But maybe even if they did know what depression was like, they could still feel manipulated or something?
> What I think is not okay is when a poster says "What you said/did made me feel like committing suicide"
>
> This is not a post asking for help, it makes people feel accused and directly responsible for the way that person feels. I don't think anyone could argue it is a not so subtle form of manipulation.I agree, it could lead someone to feel accused and therefore be considered uncivil.
OTOH, it could also be a way of asking for help. Or of explaining something without a hidden agenda. I'm wary of jumping to conclusions.
> Now, having said all this, I will add a caveat. ... My mother was the queen of this kind of coercion. Everything I said or did would lead to a suicide threat on her part - leading me to suspect that one day I would just finally kill my mother by simply being around.
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> That kind of responsiblity is simply too much for anyone to bear.
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> It may not be possible, but I would simply like to be free from this on babble.
>
> MaddieThanks for connecting this with other issues. Suicide threats are something we can try to do something about, but always feeling responsible may be up to you to work on...
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:716057
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061228/msgs/717907.html