Posted by laima on July 24, 2006, at 9:59:27
In reply to Re: About venting » laima, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2006, at 8:18:36
Thank you for helping me understand the rules better Dinah, and I would have to agree- posting while upset is proving to be a really foolish idea- at least in my case. Posting late at night while under influence of ambien has been especially disasterous. I'm still going to try to "cool it" for awhile, and I'm embarressed.
I've reviewed the rules, but evidently not carefully enough, because I thought I already knew what "civil" is. I guess on a blog like this one, "civil" needs to be particularly specific. That makes sense.
I think I'll do better once I cool off. The events of the weekend really rattled me out of common sense by Sunday night. One case Saturday involved another poster who I perceived as attacking me, but I couldn't follow his sentences well and have no good idea of what he was even saying. I felt helpless in my efforts to diffuse whatever was happening. I think he received a warning, but I still felt that I was also resonsable. The other case involved myself getting a warning after angrily responding, without calmly thinking, to a post which seemed to be a trick. I told him I thought the post was "mean", thinking that wasn't so bad of a word--but I guess it violated the guidelines. Then the poster's brother threw a slew of false, extreme accusations at me, but that elicited no response or warnings. Regardless, I understand now why I received my own warning, and I am extremely happy and encouraged that the person I argued with and I later seem to have reached a genuine mutual understanding and respect of where we were both coming from, and why we each said what we did. As of yesterday, I think the particular issue is cooled off and resolved, thank goodness. Sincerely, I can't speak for anyone else, but the experience ended up to be very educational in numerous ways, and being able to resolve the conflict with the other poster was very rewarding, and renewed my faith and confidence about being able to work conflicts out with people. (This definately does not mean I'm looking for more, though!)
Before the resolution, I was pretty hurt that during most of that episode, however, because through much of it I perceived that everyone's hurt feelings were being addressed save my own.
Maybe I'm about to find the answer to this question clearly stated in a moment when I go to the rule section- but do I understand, then, that if something offensive or attack-like turns up it is better to not respond, but rather contact a deputy?
I wish I was having better luck finding a therapist for many reasons, including for the more controversial/potentially problematic discussions. But so far everyone I've been directed to reported "no new clients at this time", and I dived in at the board a bit heavy as soon as I discovered it precisely because I lack "real-life" friends who understand what it is like to struggle with a long-term mood disorder. I'm not saying"no friends"- but any attempt at discussion about my long-term mood disorder inevitabley goes along the lines of "get a grip, there's nothing wrong with you, those meds are likely what's messing you up". And some people just are sick of my mood disorder, period-as if it was false.
Again, I am going to very carefully go through all of the suggestions which you've listed here, re-study the civility rules with actual seriousness (as oposed to casually) and in particular, heed your suggestion of not posting anything at all while upset.
I also plan to back off heavily.Thank you for your response and for all of your tips and suggestions. I really appreciate your listening and your help.
Very sincerely and humbely,
Laima.
> The rules are that you can't say anything negative about another poster or someone's posts. You are allowed to state your reactions to a post, but can't include a negative statement about the other poster in those reactions.
>
> You might want to study the FAQ for examples.
>
> For those things where Babble is not the place, it means this entire site is not the place - including Babblemail. None of the boards. The correct place may be among off board friends or your therapist or an internet site unrelated to Babble.
>
> Here's a link to the civility guidelines.
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
>
> Until you feel comfortable with what is and isn't allowed, you might wish to be careful about posting when you're upset. Or you might contact Dr. Bob or the deputies and ask them to preview what you wish to write, to make sure it won't be in violation of the civility guidelines.
poster:laima
thread:659757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/669973.html