Posted by Tabitha on July 1, 2006, at 14:14:23
In reply to Not over first block yet, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 23:50:04
Something I notice about this. Deneb, you were really hurt by what Dr Bob did. First the block itself, then his lack of comforting response to your emails. It would make sense to be very angry toward him. Yet instead, you developed a huge love obsession with him.
I think I've done a similar thing in the past, when people rejected me. Instead of getting angry, I'd get romantic or sexual feelings toward them, and get obsessed with seducing them. I think it's because those rejections reminded me of rejections by my original caretakers (mom & dad). It was unimaginable to get angry and mom and dad and admit they had failed me. My world would fall apart if I did that. So to deal with the hurt, I'd instead feel more and more 'love' toward the person who hurt me. What did that do for me? For one, feeling that unrequited love hid my unacceptable anger from me, and protected me from having to feel the disappointment. For another, I think that trying to seduce that person was a way of imagining I could regain my power that had been lost by the rejection. Yes they hurt me, but if I could get that person involved with me romantically or sexually, then I'd feel some power over them again, and the awful feeling of powerlessness would go away.
Unfortunately it never really worked out that way, and having the love obsession only made me feel more powerless, and more angry when they didn't respond to my 'love'. Plus it just prolonged the whole thing, since I wasn't really feeling what I need to feel, which was grief and loss over the hurt. If I could feel that grief and loss, I would get over it. Feeling love obsession instead just made it go on much much longer. So it was a painful and ineffective strategy for me.
But that's me. I really hope your love for Dr Bob is something different entirely. I hope it's some harmless phase you'll eventually leave behind without more emotional pain.
poster:Tabitha
thread:663157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/663275.html