Posted by Tabitha on June 2, 2006, at 12:16:44
In reply to Re: I-statements » Tabitha, posted by Larry Hoover on June 2, 2006, at 8:32:19
> > It's sad if it feels that way to her (or anyone). But we're not little kids trapped with an abusive parent here. We're grownups who can choose to post on this particular message board or not.
>
> I'm weeping as I type this, but Tabs, for some people, Babble is the first family they *ever* had. The stakes are not as you define them.
>Lar, I'm sorry. I've seen you (are we talking about you?) get emotionally battered by blocks here, and by Dr Bob's particular style of responsiveness or lack of responsiveness. It's painful to watch. The setup here is not good as a substitute family. Dr Bob's admin style is not good parenting. It's not even good group therapy. So if you try to get nurturing/parenting/therapy from Dr Bob, you're going to get sucker-punched, over and over. And I hate to see that happen. But I don't think you're ever going to get Dr Bob to change his style to be good parenting or good therapy. It's not his intent to provide that here. The best you can get here is peer support. And that's not really family or therapy either. You can get burned trying to make it into that.
I'm reminded of something I went through several years ago. Suddenly I was trying re-live high school or something with some 20-something coworkers. I was trying to get the peer acceptance I didn't get in school. But the trouble was, I'd chosen a group that was just rejecting me over and over. So what I ended up doing was repeating that rejection experience, rather than getting that healing I was seeking. My therapist just kind of watched sadly, and tried to get me to see I was punishing myself with my quest.
I think how my therapist felt is a bit how I feel watching the various blocking dramas here. Like I'm watching people working out old issues in a place that's going to only hurt them again and again. I wish they'd see that this isn't the place to work that stuff out. I wish they'd see that they're punishing themselves with it. I wish they had better support in their lives so they wouldn't need to try and work those things out on PB Admin. But at some point, I lose patience with the dramas, and just want those people to have their Adult self step in and make some decisions to take care of their vulnerable Child self. That might mean leaving this place, or getting some real-life support to take the place of the online group, or to supplement it. We *are* grownups and we *do* have choices, even when our old issues are being triggered. It helps me to keep that in sight, or else I might drown in sympathy myself.
> Lar
>
>
poster:Tabitha
thread:646675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060525/msgs/651930.html