Posted by Racer on July 18, 2005, at 20:29:06
In reply to Re: Saving lives is my motive » Racer, posted by so on July 18, 2005, at 14:57:15
I realize that I'm answering someone who has been blocked, but he or she can still read, so I'll go ahead anyway. If nothing else, I was greatly bothered by this, and really want to express my reaction.
I'll try to do so with civility.
> > >>
> > > > Since it is your potential suicide I am concerned about, perhaps you could be a bit more greatful, but I don't need your approval.Of course you don't need my approval. And you have the right to express your beliefs.
As for trying to prevent my death by suicide, that's a different matter, and I will not be grateful to you for your actions here. Partly, that's because I can't see how your actions here would protect me. Mostly, though, because it feels like an intrusion, to me, as though you believe that you know, better than I, what I need "for my own good."
In fact, it reminds me very much of the real life problem that I had with someone I met from this site -- I mentioned that above, in response to what Gardenergirl wrote about Projective Identification? In that case, a woman who had been a contributor here "advised" me very strongly to believe and behave according to her beliefs, not my own. She equated her experience with an ex-boyfriend with my erst-while problems with my husband, and told me that I should leave him -- continuing that sort of pressure even AFTER I told her that we were making progress in working out problems out. That's only one aspect of the trouble that occurred, but it's the clearest illustration of her projecting her feelings/objects/beliefs onto me. The whole situation ended when I told her that I needed some quiet time alone, with no contact via telephone or email, just some down time. In response to my request for down time, she called my cell phone nine or ten times in one day, and sent a dozen emails -- all telling me that she understood my need for quiet time and was supporting me in it! When I told her that I didn't find that behavior supportive, and really needed NO telephone calls, NO voicemails, NO emails, she attacked me being a terrible person, with profound psychopathology, etc.
This same person then proceeded to post about me on another mental health related bulletin board, stating that she was "watching a close friend" slowly die of an eating disorder! The only contact that she had had with me of any sort whatsoever for several months at that time had been what she read on this site, which was damaging to me. I felt as though I had lost a very valuable resource because of this, because I felt as though this woman was watching over my shoulder as I wrote -- it felt very much like being stalked.
Maybe that experience just makes me a little hypersensitive to this sort of thing, but I am still bothered by feeling as though someone else out there, someone I do not know or choose not to know, has appointed him or herself as my guardian in some way.
So, I will not thank you for my portion in your concern.
>> I've watched him repeatedly excuse your violation of his terms of service in the past few weeks. If he enforced his rules consistently you wouldn't be posting here today. I know exactly the kind of loyalty this perverted administration of justice builds. I watch you vascilate between attempts at reason and emotional outbursts, always with your hurt feelings as the cause for action.
>
>I am going to answer this, too. Frankly, I was surprised that I wasn't blocked over the weekend. I did go too far, and I should have exerted more self-control in what I wrote.
I suspect, strongly, that the reason I wasn't blocked has nothing to do with favoritism on the part of Dr Bob, but probably has a lot to do with the fact that I apologized, and tried to rephrase what I said in a more civil manner, and -- in general -- TOOK RESPONSIBILITY for what I had done.
I can't speak for Dr Bob, but based on what I've seen in the past, my guess is that he looks at whether or not someone willfully flouts the rules, or refuses to accept responsibility for his or her actions.
Again, I may be in the minority, but I don't see Dr Bob's responses to be all that arbitrary. Mostly, they make sense to me -- regardless whether I agree with them or not.
I do feel rather attacked, by the way, as this is the second or third time you've implied that I was somehow singled out by Dr Bob for special treatment. While I suppose that it might be flattering to some for this sort of attention to be focussed my way, I don't find it flattering. I find it discomforting, rather as being stalked in real life might feel.
No, I'm not accusing anyone of stalking me. Just trying to describe how I feel right now, after reading this thread.
poster:Racer
thread:529555
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050716/msgs/529887.html