Posted by Tamar on June 15, 2005, at 19:28:20
In reply to Sorry, but the words speak for themselves... » Gabbi-x-2, posted by jay on June 14, 2005, at 21:06:15
Hello Jay,
May I respond to this? I don’t want to comment on what I think Emmy meant by her statement; neither do I want to tell you how to feel. But I want to respond because this discussion raises a lot of questions that I think are serious and important with respect to how and why people feel accused when this kind of issue is raised.
I’m a woman who has suffered at the hands of men, and I *am* more sensitive to unfair treatment by men than by women. I don’t want to be. If I could *choose* to believe that all men except my abusers are safe and honourable people, I would do it right now.
But unfortunately if I feel under pressure from someone who happens to be a man, it does trigger unresolved feelings. Part of my reason for doing therapy and for being at Babble is to try to resolve some of those feelings. It takes a long time.
Nevertheless, I am utterly opposed to the rampant demonization of men that seems to be increasingly pervasive. I thoroughly object to any suggestion that men are inherently dangerous, sexual predators, or potential child molesters. I think it’s important to make it clear that although I may feel vulnerable in response to the actions of particular men simply because they are men, it doesn’t mean anyone should assume that I think all men are evil.
I do not think that any individual man is like all men. But sadly I sometimes can’t help feeling as if a man might be dangerous, even when he’s not, purely because of my past experience. It’s not a rational response; it’s a response that comes out of pain.
I should say for the record that I have never felt intimidated by any of the men I’ve encountered here at Babble; in my case this irruption of the past into the present has only happened in real life.
I’m talking about my own experience because I don’t want to assume that I speak for others, and yet I have heard other people express very similar feelings. I want to feel that all men are safe. I want it so much. But several men I trusted turned out to be unsafe and it colours my dealings with men.
Jay, I wanted to write this because I think I can understand why men might feel accused by the statement Emmy made. And yet, perhaps the statement was mainly a reflection of the depth of suffering that women feel after abuse, and the time it takes to reach a point where men feel safe. I’m absolutely not a man-hater. And of course I have the greatest respect for you personally. I hope you know that.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:511407
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050614/msgs/513334.html