Posted by Kali Munro on August 4, 2004, at 20:57:38
In reply to Re: Thanks for clarifying, posted by Kali Munro on August 4, 2004, at 20:15:09
I'm curious: what do people find the hardest about conflict online, for example, feeling hurt by what people say, not knowing how to respond, not feeling respected...?
When we're aware of our "trigger points" or what "gets us" the most in a conflict situation, we can develop more inner control over our reactions and responses. For example, for me, there have been times when I've read a post at a board or e-list and I felt personally attacked or slighted. When that's happened I've learned to restrain myself from responding right away (as tempting as it is to fire a response right back!) Then, I read the post the next day or later in the day and usually, although not always, the post doesn't "sound" as bad or feel as threatening the second time around. It's then been easier for me to decide whether or not I want to respond and if I respond, how to. That's not been easy to develop though! The temptation to respond right away is sometimes strong.
Many people say they feel drawn back to reading conflictual posts even when they find it really upsetting -- maybe it's a way of trying to have some control, in an out of control situation, by reading and knowing what's going on. But I find by taking time away -- in person or online -- we feel calmer and have a better perspective to help us in our response whatever that may be, including choosing not to respond.
Kali
poster:Kali Munro
thread:373586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040717/msgs/374180.html