Posted by Larry Hoover on October 28, 2003, at 7:37:00
In reply to My email to Bob 10:40pm PST, posted by galkeepinon on October 28, 2003, at 0:45:43
> I can't believe how much hate people have for me.
Speaking for myself, I don't hate you. I hate what you did. I really hate what you did.
'At that time, I was emotionally raped. My trust and faith that my boundaries would be inviolate has been stolen from me. I will never forget what happened, and the pain is with me still. It will not heal. I am scarred by it. I am forever changed by those events, and I cannot go back to 'before'. As they say in legal circles, "You can't unring the bell." '
> I feel like if I even try to defend myself is just pointless now.
It would be pointless to defend yourself, I agree, but not for the reason that you think. If you defend yourself, it will feel like excuses. I want you to listen to *me*. You spoke of making amends. This is part of making an amend, listening to the person(s) affected by your behaviour. It is both part of *my* healing, and of *your* gaining any forgiveness that might ever come your way.
You may not have foreseen the effects of what you did, but this is but one effect.
> What have I done recently that makes me look like such a bad person?????? I haven't cussed, I haven't emailed anyone.
That's better than the alternative, but it doesn't address the prior behaviour itself.
> I understand how others feel of course I do. I just don't understand why the people can't see that 'wow thank god kristen IS still alive, and not dead.
What in anything I have said would make you feel that I am not grateful for that?
> I guess it's all relative.
> I have been nothing but supportive and positive, doesn't that mean anything??????Yes.
> Honestly, are you just waiting until it blows over in hopes that I will leave????
What blows over? This is still about April. Big events have big "footprints" in time. Whether you leave, or not, is your decision, and should be decided independent of what anybody else thinks.
> I can see you are somewhat 'tight' with Larry who I know you would obviously choose him to stay over me, but that's beside the point.That statement is both inappropriate, and actually contrary to the facts. If anyone here has received preferential treatment, it is not me. I can't get Bob to follow his own rules. You, however, have convinced him to change them in your favour.
> Is it me against them now??????
My present concern is solely the rules, and administration thereof. It is not about you, although your behaviour precipitated the dispute itself.
> I am emotionally attached to this board for support. I really don't want the people who are mad at me to know if I do commit suicide or not.
I know you're feeling hurt. Take a time out, or seek real help in real life. We cannot help you, literally, with the care you may need.
> It affecting me greatly!!!! and I don't know what I will do...
> but it's ok, you have your hands very full at the moment, I understand.
> I just don't want to add anymore pressure on to you, I am beside myself and in a very bad spot about all this. My own fault I guess.
> I'm serious Bob, I need to know where YOU stand on all this?
> Take care.
> Thanks and goodnight,
> KristenI hope you feel better in the morning.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:274133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20031008/msgs/274198.html