Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2003, at 8:42:44
In reply to Lou's reply to Dinah's post-PS » Dinah, posted by Lou Pilder on March 30, 2003, at 8:24:04
> Dinah,
> You wrote,[...If I could deciede...].Actually, if you are meaning the sentence I think you mean, I said "If I could understand..." And trying to understand is why I'm asking now.
When you answered "...but it is not my intention to do anything but ask for clarification so that the poster has the opportunuty to [rule out] any offensiveness that could be interpreted by , not only myself, but by the others, such as those that do not post but just read. ", that makes me think I'm correct in that the main reason you ask for clarification is to rule out offensiveness.
But perhaps if you told me the other reasons you ask for clarification, I would be able to understand that it isn't always to rule out offensiveness. If I may borrow your writing style for a moment, with your understanding that I am doing so with all due respect to you, and merely because it is a style that would allow me to ask the question most directly?
1) I ask for clarification to rule out offensiveness ____% of the time.
2) I ask for clarification because I just didn't understand what was said, or the wording was confusing, and I in no way suspect that there might have been offensiveness involved _____% of the time.
3) I ask for clarification because _________________________________, but again in no way suspect that offensiveness might have been involved ______% of the time.
(And you can repeat 3 as often as you need to).
I realize that asking for percentages might prove difficult, and of course you could think of a better way to do it.
But my goal would be to be able to think to myself, when you ask for clarification, something like "Lou is asking for clarification, but that doesn't mean he's trying to rule out potential offensiveness in my post. It doesn't mean he thinks I've been a bad girl. There's only a ____% chance that he's trying to rule out offensiveness, and there's a ____% chance that he meant something else entirely. So before I get upset that I may have been a bad girl, maybe I can ask Lou whether he means to rule out offensiveness, or whether he meant one of the other reasons he has to ask for clarification.
Does that make sense to you? It's sort of a cognitive therapy task to help me feel less upset and scared when you ask for clarification.
poster:Dinah
thread:207945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20030221/msgs/214321.html