Posted by Jay2112 on February 18, 2023, at 17:06:00
OK: (a story, but I am desperate for help)
I take adderallXR, 15mg a day. To me, it is the KEY, perfect drug for me. I find I am dependent, not addicted. I have been taking it everyday for almost 2 months (other stims over 12 years.) I tried days without it, and I go back to my old, depressed self who can't barely get out of bed. I was dx'ed with ADD (no H) about 12 years ago. It, Dexedrine, and Vyvanse got me through the death of my partner and daughter,parents, and the death of my dog (which all, almost killed me.) It boosted a lowered spirit no regular antidepressant could ever touch!! But, again, I wasn't manic...or high....I was back to "me" who was before I eas dx'ed!!
Question is...I have no problem taking it, or other stims, daily. I am just, calmly, my authentic self...which includes an element of the 'old' self these meds can touch. If I feel 'fine', with no dose increase,
****WOULD TAKING 15MG OF ADDERALL (MIXED AMPHETAMINE SALTS) EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE BE FINE??*****
As I said, I have been pretty much doing the same with vyvanse, and dexedrine.
I am looking also for other dopamine agonists that feel smooth. (Wellbutrin drove me crazy), and the partial agonists in some antipsychotics cause me WAY too much akathisia.
The only other agonists covered by my drug plan include Pramipexole (Mirapex). ...
Bromocriptine and. ...
Rotigotine (Neupro)So, I don't know what the heck I need to do...lol. I have axed Effexor from my regimen, and my anxiety feels ohhh so much better! I only use two tiny doses of fluoxetine, poured from the capsule, and aa smidge of a 5mg tab of vortioxetine. They actually put me to sleep! And, 15mg of mirtazapine.Oh, plus clonazepam, and 150mgs of lithium. Thankfully, my pdoc's are NOT afraid to use controlled drugs, responsibly. (I study addictions in my college post grad cert, so I know a few things about it..lol)
One little theory I have....and NO, I am not some wacko scientologist. But I was on VERY high doses of some of these meds. 120mg of fluoxetine; 450mg of venlafaxine; almost 40mg of escitalopram; 200mg of amitriptyline; and over 1000mg's (1 gram) of divalproex. Plus the antipsychotics...8mg of risperdall; 25mg of olanzapine. None of these were actually prescribed. I cranked up the doses myself. I remember getting up for work and falling often in the morning; my parents could tell when I was on the full dose of these drugs, my eyes were puffy and dilated...they (rightfully) wouldn't let me drive! But I JUST WANTED to KILL THE DAMN ANXIETY!! Plus, I have Asperger's, and high serotonin levels can really fr*g things up! I think there were some changes in my biology that dampened or danaged my dopamine system.
(But, no, no desire to 'abuse' stims..and I am very logical, coherent on them.)
So, my question is above.
I feel ok-well, but just like I am on uneasy ground.
Thanks, with kindness,
JayHumans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
-Don Miguel Ruiz-
poster:Jay2112
thread:1121824
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20230117/msgs/1121824.html