Posted by B2chica on February 5, 2020, at 2:39:56
I need to write a thousand words, yet i cant seem to find one.
please help!
thats what i need to say.
i have no job/coworkers, no close friends to confide in, i no longer have a GP (stopped private practice), no T -ive tried emailing 5 times in Jan. with no response, and no longer pdoc (not seeing px anymore). Used his PA (one appt) but poor dealings with him and his office and i dont think i could or would see him again. i dont leave the house but maybe once or twice a week, it gets harder every time. TO be quite frank even if i desperately wanted to i dont think i could call, anyone.from end of December (or earlier i dont really remember) my sleeping is bad insomnia. gained 15lbs in about 2 months which caused a bad back injury crutches for 2 weeks. month of january sleeping 12-16hours day.
since i started med (5 days ago) i think ive slept a total of about 6-7 hours (two nights no sleep). i'm agitated at night, weird wired energy (negative to self).i have to constantly stare into my chidren's faces to remind myself why i insist on choosing to suffer daily. the only reason i cant stop the med is the thought of going back to how i was in jan... is not something i can even think on right now. when i wasn't sleeping i was crying. even now my depression lingers and with my irritability i start to get upset and even that turns to tears.
i can't stop, i cant keep going on, i have no one to call. and it has taken me 3 weeks of thinking about posting something like this here for me to finally do it.
i dont know what to do or how to fix this. i have 'iffy' insurance that has changed two of my meds and wont allow me another. i dont think ive ever witnessed Anyone's life go downhill so fast as mind has these last few months. Either myself or my situations only seem to get worse each month.
is there anything i can even do? i'm not going to just pick a name out of the 'phone book' and i have no one i can ask for referrals (tried that with with no response)
I'm afraid of where i'll be next week, let alone next month.
more likely than not there is nothing anyone here can do to help. But i can't help but think i have a better chance with this great group of strangers than i do from anyone IRL, for if nothing else at least i have been able to tell someone that understands the depths of this scream.
thank you
b2Pristiq (now generic- less energy and breakthrough crying
dexedrine 15mg BID
gabapentin 300mg 1-2x day
lorazepam 1mg evening
desipramine 75mg evening
hydroxizine prn
lunesta 3mg (stopped taking 2 nights ago).
Ibuprofen 400-800mg/day (was on tramadol until middle of Jan.)
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
Anaïs Nin
poster:B2chica
thread:1108345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20200104/msgs/1108345.html