Posted by frank_23423 on April 30, 2019, at 16:31:58
In reply to Re: Restarting Nardil causing major panic attacks, posted by PeterMartin on February 6, 2019, at 2:16:06
Just a three month followup:
Wow what a ride.
In late January, after taking a leave from work, moving out of my apartment and moving in with family, I had worked my way up to 60 mg of Nardil in a partial hospitalization program.
After a few nights of terrible insomnia, I decided (regretfully looking back :/) to stop the Nardil and try something else. Because I was on 1mg of Klonopin, I didn't realize how much the Nardil actually did help my anxiety which has evidently gotten worse over the years, but was masked by the meds. Very bad idea.
At the urging of family, I voluntarily went into a psych ward at a local hospital via the ER with suicidal ideations. After two days in the psych ward, I voluntarily checked myself out as it really wasn't helpful.
At this point I was on only 1mg of Klonopin and was started on 1000 mg of Depakote with a shiny new diagnosis of BP2. Now I remember why I gave up on psychiatrists many years ago and just tolerated MAOIs from my GP. Not a big fan of all the diagnoses and cocktails that psychiatrists tend to use.
I eventually decided to go through ECT at a good hospital in my area as it was covered by insurance. After 11 bilateral sessions, I threw in the towel due to the severe memory loss and other cognitive issues. As expected, the last six months is now a haze.
The ECT probably did pull me out of the dark depressive pit I was in, but along with the cognitive issues, jacked up my anxiety to levels I've never before experienced.
Though a little less depressed, I was now having daily panic attacks, constant racing thoughts, and starting to become agoraphobic which was a first for me. Awful experience.
Once again, I returned to Nardil.
In the last month, I've titrated up to 90mg. Once I got up to 75mg, the panic attacks, racing thoughts, and most of the anxiety were gone.
I'm now able to get out of bed for most of the day, and asked my employer if I could return to work in a few weeks. I'm slowly returning to my old self; while not ideal, it is 100X better than the hell I experienced the past few months. I'm seriously thinking of tattooing the Nardil molecule on my arm to remind me to NEVER again decide to come off the MAOIs. Every time, it has ended in disaster. I only pray they don't poop out in the next 40 years, or cause some sort of serious side effects (like Liver damage or hypotension) where I'm forced to switch.
I now have a psychiatrist for the first time in many years who will pretty much go along with whatever I suggest as he has no experience with MAOIs, but apparently trusts me.
I'm thinking of trying an additions such as low dose amphetamine or Seroquel or Lamictal or maybe Nortryptaline to work on the numbing anhedonia / depression, but we'll see. I'm off the Depakote - the last thing I need is more weight gain, and I don't believe I'm actually bipolar as I've never had 'hypomania' other than racing thoughts and agitation. I believe this is more anxiety related.
I don't touch the benzos anymore as I've read enough addiction and withdrawal horror studies over at benzobuddies and Reddit to convince me they're a bad idea long term. I limit myself to Ambien once a week, and might use low dose Seroquel once a week if the insomnia gets worse.
My memory has improved over the last month, but I still feel the ECT left me with some cognitive issues. Hopefully, they'll get better in the next few months.
Although some people swear that ECT is the only thing that works for them, I do not feel it was very helpful. Nor was it the nightmare others claim - I did not lose the last 30 years of memories. Like meds, YMMV.
I'm in the US and my insurance has been pretty good about covering most of the bills without issue. After it's all said and done - PHP program for a week, 48 hours in the psych ward and ER visit, sleep study, half a dozen worthless counseling sessions with various crisis teams, a few meetings with psychiatrists, and 11 ECT sessions with anesthesia, and a lot of meds, I'm out of pocket about $10K with the next 6 months mostly covered 100% as I've met my deductibles. I will be stocking up on Nardil and trying to take care of all other less serious medical issues I've put off over the years.
poster:frank_23423
thread:1102898
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20190206/msgs/1104230.html