Posted by Tabitha on September 18, 2016, at 11:07:04
In reply to Re: Many Trials, Always Relapse » Tabitha, posted by Horse on September 11, 2016, at 20:05:38
So, initially I wrote that I always relapse. I told my pdoc this, and asked him about pre-emptively changing my meds, and he said that can make them stop working permanently. He looked through my history, and said that the cymbalta hadn't pooped out, rather I'd wanted to switch due to side-effects. I realized he was right. My memory was a little fuzzy, and typical of depression, I'd put it into a story of hopelessness.
Anyway, we decided to continue the cymbalta and go up to 60mg, since that was the AD that had helped the most. It's been almost a month, and I've experienced gradual, major improvement. Everything is better, even physical symptoms I didn't associate with depression.
I always find the ramp-up interesting, and wish I could remember it for later. I experienced something I don't recall from previous times. In between feeling utterly miserable and feeling much better, I felt numb for a week or so. Food tasted really bad. I could detect all the separate flavors of it, but they didn't blend into an appealing whole. I think what happened was, my senses were getting sharper, yet I still wasn't feeling pleasure. So everything was clearer yet still unpleasant. I was afraid it might be permanent, but it was still better than the previous misery.
Gradually I felt little flashes of enthusiasm and enjoyment, then there were several per day. I started to feel motivated to do things that, while depressed, I thought I had just lost interest in doing. Once I started doing them I was sad that I'd turned away from them.
My loved ones and other people seemed more interesting. I quit putting negative interpretations on their actions.
I started retrieving memories I haven't thought of in years. Just random things from long ago. I still have trouble remembering last week though (middle-aged brain syndrome, I think).
I'm still having fatigue every day, but it's improved somewhat. Just like last time, this stuff really helps with chronic pain. I've gone from basically my whole body hurting to just having occasional knee and back pain. I think pain and depression just feed off each other, or they're the same thing.
Anyway, I'm optimistic.
poster:Tabitha
thread:1091494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160819/msgs/1092238.html