Posted by porkpiehat on May 20, 2016, at 10:16:58
For years I was using Lamictal to augment celexa and control the impulsiveness I got on SSRIs. Over the last couple of years I noticed two hours after my morning lamictal I would sink into despair for hours and sometimes a lot of hypervigilant thinking (having unnecessary arguments in my head and lash out at innocent people and things). I would also have a cognitive slowing where I would run out of gas mid-sentence and lose the ability to understand homework and figure problems.
Or sometimes I would feel a little over excited. This I noticed with a change in brand of lamictal.
Now that I'm off the celexa I feel much more calm in my head and it's easier to listen and track through activities without getting lost, sidetracked, frustrated, etc. At first I felt feelings so strongly that I couldn't sit still at times, would masturbate a lot, and cry easily at shows and movies.
That went away and lately I'm left depressed and anxious again. Even when I'm not hopeless and sad I've got no drive to do anything more than come home and watch tv and eat. It's like this "stillness" has gone overboard.
Sometimes I wonder if all of my hobbies and career goals (grad school at 45!) were extensions of hypomania from SSRI and my core unmanic self just wants to watch tv and withdraw.
Sometimes I will feel OK in the morning and then feel undriven and back to my racy, suspicious mind after my morning dose of Lamictal.
So lamictal is either making me worse, or stripping away the mania and busy-ness to reveal a bored, sad, and paranoid man. My diagnosis, which 20 years ago was assumed to be depression and anxiety, seems to teeter now on complex trauma/borderline/BPII.
I think I should either ditch Lamictal altogether or go up to 200mg from 150mgs. I always felt "better" on the higher doses of Lamictal but it was hard to sleep and concentrate and I would get headaches.
I'm trying wellbutrin for the last four days to climb out of the despair and it seems to be working, aside from making me racy brain and heart.
poster:porkpiehat
thread:1089100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160501/msgs/1089100.html