Posted by Rather Anonymous on May 12, 2016, at 15:03:42
Hello everyone.
Through the years, I've always visited this website for information but have never posted.If there is one place where I could get some advice, I believe it would be here.
Please excuse me, but I cannot make this story short...still, I'll try shorten it.
I am a male, 30 years old at the end of his rope here.
When I entered puberty at 14 I started feeling rushes of adrenaline with the smallest triggers, severe physical anxiety followed and then I started worrying for small stuff with mild OCD. All of this happened in the course of 5 months, out of the blue.
I will not explain all I've been through, I will just put a list of the meds I've been on and their efficacy and duration.
I must note, that after the prior mental anxiety-worrying and mild OCD, those symptoms completely disappeared in the course of 2 months. I was left with severe panic and physical anxiety to the point where I couldn't get out of bed or function.
Physical anxiety got so severe, my mom could not vacuum in my room because the noise would drive me nuts. I was bedridden.
15 years old: Maprotiline
For 1 month, can't recall dosage.
Result: No efficacy, grumpy and increased pulse - over 100bpm when sitting still.17 years old, still no diagnosis: Pimozide + Biperiden
For 2 months, low doses.
Result: Nearly died, lost my night vision, developed paranoia (?!) and felt like I was out of this world, but I couldn't express the things I was going through. Hell on Earth, literally.18 years old, first diagnosis of Panic disorder with Agoraphobia: Lexapro + Klonopin.
Dosage: Very, very slow increase from 1/4 of 10mg Lexapro and 1/4 of 0.5mg Klonopin.
Duration: 5 years.
Result: I was feeling great the first 3 years, started going out with a family member (exposure therapy), fell in love, things were looking up. After 3 years it started wearing off and I substituted it with tons of alcohol, which increasingly made things worse.23 years: A whole bunch.
After getting SEVERE physical anxiety, I was on a roller coaster of drugs.
Lexapro was discontinued and I was put on Zoloft 200mg for 1 month - Didn't do anything.
Paxil 10mg for 1 week - Made me even more anxious.
Valdoxan - 4 days, but I guess I had withdrawal from the SSRI's and I quit it, thinking it was the med.
Tianeptine for a month - I felt a bit better on it, but I gave up quickly, because I thought it wasn't doing much and I couldn't get back to the places I used to go before quickly enough.
Celexa 20mg - I reacted sort of OK to it. It took quite some time before I was able to start trying to go out and actually not feel extreme physical anxiety, but I stuck with it for about 1.5 years, until it stopped working too.24 years old.
Started Effexor 75mg. Instantly I felt amazingly better. I even walked to the city limits without a car/backup plan/anxiety or anything like that. For 5 days I was doing amazing, then it stopped, but it controlled my anxiety amazingly. Sadly, it slowly made me very grumpy and depressed.
Increased to 150mg and again - 5 days of bliss, which suddenly stopped.
I was on this drug for 5 years, I was again able to go out to some extend, but was depressed and didn't feel like it.At 26 after noticing my testosterone levels were below the chart and female hormones above range, I was given a T injection which drove my anxiety up the roof and I was prescribed Valproate, which helped with anxiety, but made me even more dull. I took it for about an year with no benefits and stopped it.
At 27 my condition got progressively worse.
I was put on a cocktail of Clomipramine + Citalopram + carbamazepine + Haloperidol for 2 months, which didn't help, only made me a mess and groggy.I was left only on Clomipramine, which made my anxiety acutely worse.
I quickly switched back to Effexor for relief.
Meanwhile I had short trials with:
Trazodone, Flupentixol as addon to Effexor and many more I can't remember right now.Last year, when I was 29, I couldn't take my prison anymore, so I decided to try Duloxetine, which gave me fever for 3 days and all of a sudden - panic attacks and severe anxiety + derealization which left me unable to leave my home more than 200 meters away.
I also had to switch to generic Klonopin and my dose now is 0.25mg in the morning and 0.5mg in the evening, but it doesn't help.
I tried Fluoxetine - no effect for 2 weeks, Fluvoxamine - increased anxiety - 2 weeks.
Got back to my "savior" Effexor, but I would still get panic attacks EVEN AT HOME, or after short exercise (2 years ago I was training for 3 hours per day). The evenings turned into hell, once it hit 10p.m. Anxiety would skyrocket and I even called my mother to spend several nights at home.
I had also slipped into SEVERE depression.I was put on Paxil + Remeron 7.5mg, which made me aggressive and extremely sleepy - 16+ hours per night.
I removed the paxil and stayed on remeron 7.5mg in the evenings which helped me to the point where I could go out and buy groceries and helped with panic attacks, but my depression was becoming so severe, that I became suicidal - something that is out of my character completely.
I have worked with 5 psychologists - they all agree that there is nothing wrong with my mentality and one of them suggested searching for a biological reason - did an MRI under anesthesia - all is fine. None of them could help me the least bit.
The last two psychiatrists I worked with literally gave up - one used the term "I abdicate" and the other one said that he doesn't see anything else that could be done in my case since I've tried it all.
I'm completely on my own, isolated, no friends because I can't go out 100 meters away from my home and I am SEVERELY depressed.
I prescribed myself Nardil, got it imported and was on it for 2 weeks slowly increasing the dosage. I was crying all the time and just felt worse.
I am currently on Amitriptyline 25mg in the morning and Valdoxan 25mg in the evening for a week, stuffing myself with Klonopin to survive the anxiety attacks.
My symptoms are:
Severe depression, low self-esteem, lack of desire for anything - sex, work, training.
Feeling tired.
No motivation for anything - I had an insane drive about everything I started.
I don't want to talk to anyone - I was the best person to be around! I was always smiling and
laughing - this is a dramatic change.I sleep over 14 hours a day. Then I nap in the afternoon again.
I'm suicidal to some point.
I do not feel pleasure in ANYTHING and I do mean ANYTHING. It's hard to believe, but it's a fact.
If I run or train, I get a rush of anxiety and/or the next day my whole body is absolutely stiff.
My body sometimes becomes stiff for no reason and I'm in constant need of massage.
Anxiety gets worse in the evening.
My body sometimes stiffens severely in the evenings and I have to overdose on Klonopin.
Other fun facts about me:
If I wake up after 10am, I always have anxiety.Anxiety occurs the second I wake up, without any triggers or prior stressors.
When I talk about anxiety - I mean physical anxiety. I do not worry or anything like that.
No OCD, no depression until an year ago, no fear of dying or heart attack or anything like that - only fear of the panic attacks, which occurs only prior to exposure.A cup of coffee has made me severely sick to the point of nearly blacking out.
I often would wake up with sweaty palms and a lump in my chest, ridden with "anxiety" without any triggers.
I'm extremely sad.
My blood sugar levels drop rapidly and often. Sweets fix it.
There is more, but right now my biggest issue is the severe depression that I need to get over in order to survive.
Please, please help me with any advice available. I'm literally just left to die, my whole family suffers, knowing that I'm at the end of my life and they can't do anything.
If you have questions - just ask.
Any advice would be ran through my current psychiatrist, who said nothing else could be tried.
Sorry for the long post again.
poster:Rather Anonymous
thread:1088873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160501/msgs/1088873.html