Posted by b2chica on June 30, 2015, at 16:25:45
In reply to Re: i think fetzima and latuda, posted by Lamdage22 on June 30, 2015, at 14:58:48
there are things i love but its hard because most of them are solitary things and now that i'm off work at home i'm expected to tend to kiddos 24/7. i typically have one day a week to do my things (usually doc appt.'s). But now i'm doing some writing. though just before that i struggled...
really struggled.
i think...is it ok if i talk about it?
i think i'm going to, but don't read it if suicidal temptation is triggering for you.i came home after a failed attempt to go to a park (bugs were horrible...biting) so i came home and the moment i pulled into the garage i had a strong... powerful urge to just keep the motor running and close the garage door.
i sat there with it running, full in the garage. i started to smell some fumes building and it smelled... good, in a way. a smell of possible peace.
But then the thought of it leaking into the house and harming someone later, then the thought of kiddos losing me... such powerful confusion and sadness crushed my heart and i turned off the car, sat for a few minutes. then went in, closing the door then.i saw T this morning and had a bad episode (or several) in her office. at one point i told her i WILL NOT take 60mg of fetzima tomorrow. that is just wasn't natural, it wasn't me... it was the medication making me worse. every fiber in my being was 100% sure at that moment.
i'm not as sure now,
i took a gabapentin about 2 hours ago. its kicked in and helping me a lot to just chill and relax before i pick up kids.i'm writing a story, well i'm in editing mode. So i'm going back to it for the next 20 min.
***********
Lamadage, sorry i just spilled my guts to you. but thank you. i think i needed to get that off my chest.i see my T again tomorrow morning and she is supposed to talk with my pdoc sometime today.
btw, my T mentioned genetic testing for some MSD#$ something or rather....
have you heard of this? i think she said it has to do with B12 and such.anyway, i think thats' next in line.
b2
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1080060
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20150629/msgs/1080105.html