Posted by b2chica on January 21, 2015, at 12:15:56
In reply to Re: zyprexa clone? » B2chica, posted by ed_uk2010 on January 21, 2015, at 7:01:01
diagnosis has varied.. the last two were bouncing between psychotic depression and (more likely) bipolar Mixed.
as my depression tends to have more negative energy along with aud/vis illusions. when it gets bad can have some hallucinations but tend to be more illusions. However the auditory has become severe at some really low states of depression in the past.
right now i am in the -meta- phase of suicidal ideation.. however i am starting with more aggitation and despair. meaning i will (or have) start to push myslef.. with death of choice. so if i start to hyperfocus on poison ingestion i will tell myself (just research it, you'll feel better knowing there is nothing that will work). i will research and find an idea.
its like this voice is drawing a line in the sand and is saying, just cross this one line, thats all. your not acting... just.. checking.
but what has happened in the past is that i soon become clouded with no longer being able to 'pull back' from that edge and i can go too far.
my attempts in the past i was very lucky that i didnt have any major permanant damage... luck thats it. someday i wont be so lucky.
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1075244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20150102/msgs/1075340.html